Consentual non-consent

[Deaner]

I've realized recently that the kink in my life that has been elusive to me for so long might just be something that was so taboo that even I had an issue with it.
I would really love to try something like this out but I feel like I need to trust the person I'm engaging as much was I want them to ultimately trust me. How do I approach this subject with a female without being taken as someone with a serious glitch or expect to be taken seriously about my desire when I know that the idea itself brings so much pain or repressed trauma to so many?

Any advice appreciated.

Deaner

[DocHoliday]

Get straight to the point about the service requested. Don’t tiptoe around and be prepared to be rejected.

[risn2theoccasion2]

My opinion. If the Lady promotes such activities. See her. If she doesn’t, wait until after a couple of visits and bring it up to her for discussion for your future visits with her.

[AlexandraSand]

Yep. What Doc said.
Mature and experienced providers are here to help guys to experience something, that they want and dream about. No judgment.

[Sue Nami]

are you wanting to be the one being taken in an illusionary non consent scenario? Or do you want to do that to a provider? It's easier to find if you're the receiver.

[NativeAmerican]

Used to have a FWB that was into non consensual type role play sometimes. Nothing extreme but she really loved to be dominated and feel “not in control”. It turned her on so much. We’d build up to it of course and I had to read her during sex to gauge when she was in the mood for it. I thought it was cute when she would tell me , “When I say to stop, it doesn’t mean I want you to stop!” Lol. God bless her.

[Snowgoddess]

I have had fun trying different scenarios. Once you pass a lady’s screening, I feel that this subject can be communicated in a manner that both people are comfortable with.

[NikkiGhost]

I would definitely do this with a fuck buddy that I trust 100%

[MeetJadeRose]

Sure, nothing wrong with simply making a request. Then you have to trust that someone will be honest and honor their own boundaries. The kink itself- nothing at all wrong with it. Consent is key, then have at it! I definitely enjoy this roleplay in my personal and work life. In work, I do like to have a level of comfort with someone first. You can have a lot of fun with this!

[Deaner]

Thanks everyone for the positive response. I think that the warm reception here has given me more confidence in the fact that it's not as out of the question as I thought.
To make it clear in case it wasn't, I intend to be the aggressor in this role play scenerio.

I would love to get to the point where she and I could trust ourselves enough to know that "no" doesn't in this case mean "stop" and enjoy this power play together. Native American I appreciate that visual btw!
Thanks again for the warm reception to my question!

[SpencerTracy]

Thanks everyone for the positive response. I think that the warm reception here has given me more confidence in the fact that it's not as out of the question as I thought.
To make it clear in case it wasn't, I intend to be the aggressor in this role play scenerio.

I would love to get to the point where she and I could trust ourselves enough to know that "no" doesn't in this case mean "stop" and enjoy this power play together. Native American I appreciate that visual btw!
Thanks again for the warm reception to my question!

Couple of tips:

1. Safe words are your friend. Also create a safe "action" as a backup (like a hand signal or similar thing), in case the provider is unable to speak.
2. It is helpful for your first encounter in CNC to have a script (or at least a detailed outline) so the provider knows what you are going to do next, and they know how they should react. Surprise when you are just getting to know each other is not always a good thing, usually a bad thing. This also allows you to discuss parameters before the act and not after so there is explicit communication.
3. This is not usually a first time encounter scenario...the provider will need to have already seen you bcd likely to know you are really a rule follower not a breaker, to comfortably discuss fees, and you will want to know the provider is really "down" for the entire scene before participating for your own safety.
4. You should also check out fetlife...lots of "best practices" discussed on that site in some of the forums. If you're not experienced, researching is your friend to a better all around experience for you and the provider.

I haven't done a lot of the type of scenes you're talking about, but this is based on my experience in spanking/punishment scenarios. Similar concept.

[Ivy de la Courte]

Outside of finding someone to do this with, I would say do your research and get educated about kink if you're not already. The tips above are great and make sure you know you're bringing everything to a session that you can as far as safety (this should be the case for all types of kink but especially if you're going to be in the dominant role). If I were asked this upfront in a message as other people have suggested I would never be able to give a guaranteed yes and wouldn't say yes for a first session as it's important for me to not only gauge our chemistry, but someone's communication style, and to be able to ask them questions that will indicate both their in-person experience and how much research they've done about the topic outside of fantasies and porn that doesn't show what goes on behind the scenes.

As well as a safe word and action, a red, yellow, green system is a great idea to check in (red is stop play completely either for a break or for good, yellow being pause or I still want to keep going but need to adjust something or say something out of the scene, etc). You could make a "want, will, won't" list of different actions that could occur in a CNC to know exactly what you're interested in and be able to share that with your partner.

I think this kink is more common than you think and you're doing the right thing by thinking about establishing trust upfront and asking questions. Good luck!