Loneliness and sex work

[Illini]

This may just be my bias due to my reasons for being here. But despite this activity being about interaction, connection, and intimacy, it feels like there is a whole lot of loneliness. Trying to avoid loneliness has often been a reason for me reaching out to meet a gal here. And I know that this is highly unlikely to be a sustainable solution for loneliness. But is this a reasonable bridge to a time when I may not feel as lonely. Or could the availability of temp relationships be a crutch that will keep me from being more active in fixing my own loneliness. If any of that makes any sense.

And I suspect that many of the gals have their own battle with this. Sex work isn’t accepted in all circles and having to hide a large part of what your life is can force you into loneliness. Forming anything more than a temporary/transactional relationship with a client can be problematic

I know these aren’t the cases for everyone here. But just strange that something is about bringing two people together in an intimate way can have very lonely people on both sides.

Wanted to be much articulate than this.

[risn2theoccasion2]

My friend. I am going to be very blunt here, and I don’t want to offend anyone on either side of the Hobby equation. In order to keep your sanity and your wallet intact, you must see this for what it truly is.

You obviously see that going beyond a business transaction is futile at best and I want to encourage you to keep that perspective. But loneliness can cause us to slip, and it’s very easy to fall on ice. Don’t slip up.

Loneliness can put on blinders and cut your range of vision down to nothing. Keep all of this in perspective. Because, no matter what you may think, the term you just used is exactly how you should see all of this. Sex Work. You are a source of income, at best an acquaintance. You are their work.

You will never find a fulfilling friendship or anything beyond that here. You might be told that, and that person might even be sincere at the moment, but you are just one of many and nothing special. The playing field will never be equal, you will never get back all that you give, and more than likely only fulfill their particular needs at that moment in time, then you will find yourself once again alone.

So, take the advice of an old Monger speaking from experience. I have a big heart and it has gotten me into trouble many times over the years. So, Enjoy your session time and depart. You’re a client transacting a business deal. Anything beyond that is a gamble and I assure you that the odds are in favor of the house and you will walk away empty handed. Loneliness and the hobby don’t mix.

[baja22]

My friend. I am going to be very blunt here, and I don’t want to offend anyone on either side of the Hobby equation. In order to keep your sanity and your wallet intact, you must see this for what it truly is.

You obviously see that going beyond a business transaction is futile at best and I want to encourage you to keep that perspective. But loneliness can cause us to slip, and it’s very easy to fall on ice. Don’t slip up.

Loneliness can put on blinders and cut your range of vision down to nothing. Keep all of this in perspective. Because, no matter what you may think, the term you just used is exactly how you should see all of this. Sex Work. You are a source of income, at best an acquaintance. You are their work.

You will never find a fulfilling friendship or anything beyond that here. You might be told that, and that person might even be sincere at the moment, but you are just one of many and nothing special. The playing field will never be equal, you will never get back all that you give, and more than likely only fulfill their particular needs at that moment in time, then you will find yourself once again alone.

So, take the advice of an old Monger speaking from experience. I have a big heart and it has gotten me into trouble many times over the years. So, Enjoy your session time and depart. You’re a client transacting a business deal. Anything beyond that is a gamble and I assure you that the odds are in favor of the house and you will walk away empty handed. Loneliness and the hobby don’t mix.

+1

[MeetJadeRose]

Yes, and I think that loneliness is the human condition and so many people struggle with it in all walks of life! Loneliness really is an epidemic and so many people struggle here and don’t always know tools and resources to help. I used to feel immensely lonely when I first began adult work, and there has always been an element of it in not being able to be fully out as myself in the world in every space, can’t share with everyone due to stigma, safety, judgement, there’s a lot here. And.. now I have community, resources, I prioritize my mental and emotional health, it’s a nonnegotiable in my life. I am very grateful to have support and connection and many people who do support my work and know about it, and being OK with those who don’t and can’t handle it etc.

Since I started prioritizing my own wellness, it has made a huge difference in my quality of life. I am an introvert and I need a lot of alone time to be with myself and I also effortfully make time to connect with others and add it into my schedule. To share, to listen, to be heard, to vent, to just experience life with. I believe that connection and community make huge differences, even if it is not always in person. I believe that sharing online and having online communities makes such a difference as well kind of like the site!

Doing things like hiking, meditation, getting massage and touch, going to classes and meet ups, making time to do fun activities, going to therapy, calling friends, ditching work to spend time with people sometimes, is so important. Seeing providers is a great way to get your physical touch needs met, and luckily your emotional/mental needs too with the right fits. For US too!! And… it’s not always the case. And shouldn’t be your sole source. We should all have multiple outlets. There are some events called authentic relating that are an awesome way to move past the small talk with people, there are even cuddle parties and mutual touch activities like improv and dance, etc.

I’d like to reiterate that, there is nothing wrong with getting some of your needs met through seeing sex workers. Or being a provider or such services. There needn’t be shame for doing so. Wanting and needing sex and touch is okay. And, you should have various outlets for your other needs.

Everyone needs to know that you are never alone, there is always somebody who is feeling just like you are, even when we feel like we are the only one in the world. Hell, if anything jump on Reddit and scream into the online abyss. There are some great resources in the city! Please try them out and if anyone would like any recommendations, feel free to message me :-)

[AlCar0314]

Yes, and I think that loneliness is the human condition and so many people struggle with it in all walks of life! Loneliness really is an epidemic and so many people struggle here and don’t always know tools and resources to help. I used to feel immensely lonely when I first began adult work, and there has always been an element of it in not being able to be fully out as myself in the world in every space, can’t share with everyone due to stigma, safety, judgement, there’s a lot here. And.. now I have community, resources, I prioritize my mental and emotional health, it’s a nonnegotiable in my life. I am very grateful to have support and connection and many people who do support my work and know about it, and being OK with those who don’t and can’t handle it etc.

Since I started prioritizing my own wellness, it has made a huge difference in my quality of life. I am an introvert and I need a lot of alone time to be with myself and I also effortfully make time to connect with others and add it into my schedule. To share, to listen, to be heard, to vent, to just experience life with. I believe that connection and community make huge differences, even if it is not always in person. I believe that sharing online and having online communities makes such a difference as well kind of like the site!

Doing things like hiking, meditation, getting massage and touch, going to classes and meet ups, making time to do fun activities, going to therapy, calling friends, ditching work to spend time with people sometimes, is so important. Seeing providers is a great way to get your physical touch needs met, and luckily your emotional/mental needs too with the right fits. For US too!! And… it’s not always the case. And shouldn’t be your sole source. We should all have multiple outlets. There are some events called authentic relating that are an awesome way to move past the small talk with people, there are even cuddle parties and mutual touch activities like improv and dance, etc.

I’d like to reiterate that, there is nothing wrong with getting some of your needs met through seeing sex workers. Or being a provider or such services. There needn’t be shame for doing so. Wanting and needing sex and touch is okay. And, you should have various outlets for your other needs.

Everyone needs to know that you are never alone, there is always somebody who is feeling just like you are, even when we feel like we are the only one in the world. Hell, if anything jump on Reddit and scream into the online abyss. There are some great resources in the city! Please try them out and if anyone would like any recommendations, feel free to message me :-)

Well said.

Long time sufferer of loneliness, especially now while I’m going through the grief of a breakup.

Thank goodness there are providers that fulfill the need to be touched and feel desired, if only for an hour. It can be the catalyst to get out of a funk.

Just know loneliness is a cancer and seeing a Provider is a temporary bandage

[titbdoyl]

To counter loneliness you need to invest more than money &/or time with someone/persons who also are not maxing out their investment using dollars and/or minutes. This hobby is as described, a hobby or a temporary distraction.

[DocHoliday]

OP, I highly suggest you keep your emotions in check or ypu are going to be in for a lot more loneliness and disappointment. The ladies are here for money, not relationships. If you can’t separate a good time from a relationship, I suggest you take up another hobby.

[WESTPAC]

OP, I highly suggest you keep your emotions in check or ypu are going to be in for a lot more loneliness and disappointment. The ladies are here for money, not relationships. If you can’t separate a good time from a relationship, I suggest you take up another hobby.

In violent agreement with Doc. This is first an foremost a means of livelihood for them, even if it is a sideline.

This is entertainment and stress relief. Perhaps a surrogate for a deficit for physical intimacy in your life. Certainly not a solution for loneliness; in fact may exacerbate the problem. You may have genuine chemistry with a companion, you may even like each other, but then again a skilled companion can emulate these things to continue to garner your business. This is totally fine; its entertainment, not deception. I am a big believer in "not asking questions I don't want answers to" which absolutely includes any attempt or line of questioning that would try to determine a companions actual emotional affinity towards me as a client (or lack thereof). No good can ever come of that.

[lovingcamela]

This may just be my bias due to my reasons for being here. But despite this activity being about interaction, connection, and intimacy, it feels like there is a whole lot of loneliness. Trying to avoid loneliness has often been a reason for me reaching out to meet a gal here. And I know that this is highly unlikely to be a sustainable solution for loneliness. But is this a reasonable bridge to a time when I may not feel as lonely. Or could the availability of temp relationships be a crutch that will keep me from being more active in fixing my own loneliness. If any of that makes any sense.

And I suspect that many of the gals have their own battle with this. Sex work isn’t accepted in all circles and having to hide a large part of what your life is can force you into loneliness. Forming anything more than a temporary/transactional relationship with a client can be problematic

I know these aren’t the cases for everyone here. But just strange that something is about bringing two people together in an intimate way can have very lonely people on both sides.

Wanted to be much articulate than this.

Thank you for posting these thoughts. First, let me say that I am sorry for your experiences of loneliness. Good for you for working at it. Like most providers I am here for the financial gain, but there is more nuance to this for me. Providers offer not only intimacy, but anonymity, privacy and convenience. You show up to our door and viola!, we are ready to take care of you, love you up and rejoice right there with you. And then you can carry on with your day, clear headed, relaxed and happy. You come back when you are ready or you can see someone else. There is no obligation to us. That’s the work in my opinion.

Can I feel lonely in the work? I have in the past, but it had more to do with not having a good social network. It took me years to build it mostly because building trusting friendships takes a long time. It’s important for to enjoy nature.

You wrote that you fear temporary relationships may be a crutch to fixing your loneliness issues. Maybe, but I have an idea for you. I have a joke that there needs to be a bumper sticker that says “Hobbiests do it better”. My point is….by all means use us to become a better lover!!! There is so much to gain in learning about yourself. I’m going to end there because that can be a whole topic unto itself. Lol



I think it’s good advice to not take the SW world too seriously. It’s something you do to treat yourself. I love all of Jade’s advice too.

[bigbalz]

True!!

[Adonisman]

You will never find a fulfilling friendship or anything beyond that here. You might be told that, and that person might even be sincere at the moment, but you are just one of many and nothing special.

I disagree with you on this. I would say that it is VERY hard. Yet, I have 2 great friends to this day who I met when they were Providers. One girl is my 'best friend' and has been now for 13 years. We talk and text every day. We met over 13 years ago

The other one I met in 2005 over 17 years ago. We are still friends. We may not talk, meet, text as much but we do at least once a year.

I was friends before and after they retired from being a Provider.

So to say you cannot find friends here is not true. It is just hard to do, and far and few between.

As far as being lonely. I would say I like it. I am not one to have a spouse around all the time. I like being alone. If I could find a true 'part time' girlfriend I would jump on that so fast!! That is why I moved to Sugar Dating 90% of the time. I get the 'feel' of a real life gf with out all the hassles.

[baja22]

I disagree with you on this. I would say that it is VERY hard. Yet, I have 2 great friends to this day who I met when they were Providers. One girl is my 'best friend' and has been now for 13 years. We talk and text every day. We met over 13 years ago

The other one I met in 2005 over 17 years ago. We are still friends. We may not talk, meet, text as much but we do at least once a year.

I was friends before and after they retired from being a Provider.

So to say you cannot find friends here is not true. It is just hard to do, and far and few between.

As far as being lonely. I would say I like it. I am not one to have a spouse around all the time. I like being alone. If I could find a true 'part time' girlfriend I would jump on that so fast!! That is why I moved to Sugar Dating 90% of the time. I get the 'feel' of a real life gf with out all the hassles.

Granted, never is a strong word. But it happens so rarely that it approaches never. I sure wouldn't recommend entering the hobby to find friendship, it's just for fun. I introduced a friend of mine to the hobby and he quickly fell for a provider and was absolutely certain the feelings were mutual. I tried to warn him there was no real friendship there but he wouldn't listen. He was pretty butt hurt when she let him down hard but at least he learned his lesson and now has the appropriate attitude towards the hobby. And most providers don't want clients like that anyway because they wind up being clingy and constant texters.

[John rockhead]

Yes, i think the hobby can definitely be maladaptive. Why take a risk approaching, conversating, talking about nothing significant for hours, dating, having to go to some sort of event you don’t really want to go to, knowing at any moment she could just change her mind about you for any reason she wants, and now you’ve lost time, money, energy, etc… why risk it when you can get immediate gratification? Without the hobby you’d have to deal with all that, do things you probably don’t want to do, tolerate things you don’t want tolerate, endure potentially painful changes to who you are (that still might not even work). I’ve realized that it is not out of the ordinary for me to go a month+ without anything more than a handshake for physical contact. That’s crazy right.

[NativeAmerican]

I disagree with you on this. I would say that it is VERY hard. Yet, I have 2 great friends to this day who I met when they were Providers. One girl is my 'best friend' and has been now for 13 years. We talk and text every day. We met over 13 years ago

The other one I met in 2005 over 17 years ago. We are still friends. We may not talk, meet, text as much but we do at least once a year.

I was friends before and after they retired from being a Provider.

So to say you cannot find friends here is not true. It is just hard to do, and far and few between.

As far as being lonely. I would say I like it. I am not one to have a spouse around all the time. I like being alone. If I could find a true 'part time' girlfriend I would jump on that so fast!! That is why I moved to Sugar Dating 90% of the time. I get the 'feel' of a real life gf with out all the hassles.

Those are exceptions to the rule. 20 years of hobbling and 2 friends? If you enter this domain looking to make friends or a potential gf, you’re going to get burned. We are speaking to generalities. This isn’t the place to fix loneliness. We’ve all read the stories from hobbyists going something like.. “we were cool, we’ve seen each other many times, I never would have expected her to…. Blah blah”. It happens all the time. Friends don’t lie and burn each other. When they have your $$, the time spent is simply an illusion and nothing more 99.9% of the time.

[Adonisman]

Those are exceptions to the rule. 20 years of hobbling and 2 friends?

Actually 25 years now. You are right, I am not here to 'make friends' in the traditional sense. These two Providers just happen to really like me and we got along great BCD and non BCD. The one who is my bestie. We do NOT have sex and have not in 13 years. She is truly my friend. As I am hers.