I caught feelings

[randomgetdown]

I'm posting this because I'm looking for perspective and help with my mental health and I guess to make more human connection. I've been working on being a better, honest, and vulnerable person all around cause for the majority of my life I've been closed off, introverted and kept to myself, never really verbalizing how I truly felt.

I recently came out of a 15 year relationship and started seeing a provider. When I initially contacted her, I never expected to catch feelings (for anonymities sake we'll call her provider A) . In fact before seeing provider A I had seen another provider before her and everything was good (provider B). During my visit with provider B I reached orgasm, had a short chat and was done. Not quite feeling satisfied I reached out to provider A.

When meeting provider A, I was quite nervous, I was really taken aback by how attracted I was to her. Talking to her I felt genuinely connected and even though during our session I didn't orgasm I felt fulfilled.

From the moment she left I knew I had caught serious feelings. I had to see her again so I booked another appointment for 2 hours. During this appointment we talked and cuddled the majority of the time and this visit I did orgasm and it was explosive. After the one orgasm our time was up and she was on her way. Again I missed her tremendously and booked another 2 hour appointment.

It was during this appointment I really let myself be vulnerable with her. I bought her flowers and I shared intimate details about my life and she did the same. We shared about our personal lives, our real names, our friends, etc. I felt like we were making a genuine connection and maybe even touching into the realm of building some kind of relationship. It was towards the end of this encounter I shared with her how I felt and that I was really falling for her.

I saw her two more times once for an overnight and the other for a two hour dinner.

Finally that brings us to today, we had been planning for another overnight, I had booked a nice hotel, made reservations for a nice restaurant and was really excited to see her. The entire night was kind of a train wreck and a little bit awkward. I told her again how I felt about her and that I was honestly kind of scared that there might come a point where she would stop talking to me. She assured me that that, wouldn't happen and that she really liked me and being with me. At the end of our overnight I was incredibly sad to see her go again and proceeded to do my best to sleep it off. When I couldn't sleep I went to check on our usual channels of communication and found that she had blocked me.

Long story short I caught feelings for a provider, fell into those feelings hard, shared my feelings, shared more feelings, was told I was crazy and ended up being incredibly hurt.

There are a lot of missing details to this story (conversations, actions, etc) but this is the shortest version I could make without getting into personal detail. Now I understand that catching feelings isn't the ideal thing to happen while hobbying I just feel incredibly hurt that in my attempts to be honest, vulnerable, and upfront with what I thought, felt, and wanted. That I was basically lied to, manipulated, and discarded for being too sensitive, clingy, and pushy.


Last note rereading this I know this can read like a very very stupid situation but again this is my attempt to use this forum as a healthy outlet in writing/sharing my feelings in order to be a well functioning human being and I guess I'm hoping I'm not the only person this has ever happened to.

Anyways thanks for reading this and possibly responding, also I'm new to the community... so hello.

[tyboy1]

Rule #1 never fall for a provider.
You'll get over it. Just move on.
And don't try to contact her. It will not turn out well for you.

[DocHoliday]

Op, this is a P4P site...NOT Match.com. Now this part is serious, you should never disclose personal information and NEVER do outcalls to your house. Never forget that we are just tricks!

Maybe you should consider this hobby ain’t for you.

[someguy12]

Op, this is a P4P site...NOT Match.com. Now this part is serious, you should never disclose personal information and NEVER do outcalls to your house. Never forget that we are just tricks!

Maybe you should consider this hobby ain’t for you.

Doc, this was discussed before in another thread and if I recall you said the same thing. I think you should put that statement in your signature line so that way it doesn’t become a broken record, LOL.

[DocHoliday]

Doc, this was discussed before in another thread and if I recall you said the same thing. I think you should put that statement in your signature line so that way it doesn’t become a broken record, LOL.

It matters not if I did or didn’t. Members are joining here everyday. Newbies need to know what I’m talking about. If you have read it before, move along. Most of what I post on this site is directed to the newbies for their benefit. If you disagree with me, let the newbies know what you think.

[JessieJane]

Op don't mind the assistant pimps around here lol... I mean non staff members who voice their opinions as if they are staff ... you will get used to it. They should have a newbie warning for that!

On another note... I found your post interesting for sure and a good read. Its always interesting to see gents different view of ladies and situations.

Thank you for being so open and posting!
JJ

[someguy12]

It matters not if I did or didn’t. Members are joining here everyday. Newbies need to know what I’m talking about. If you have read it before, move along. Most of what I post on this site is directed to the newbies for their benefit. If you disagree with me, let the newbies know what you think.

No, disagreement here. I’m just saying every time you post advice FOR THE MOMENT of a situation. It seems to come up again....IT WAS A JOKE TO PUT IT IN YOUR SIGNATURE LINE.

I get it.... for the newbies!

[Shinepro]

Op if I was you I would first have never posted this and two I would let this foooking thread die or ask it be closed. The lady obvious has moved on and if you intend to try and see other providers, I mean decent ones not the foooking week off of backpage,Bissonet type ladies or old nba ugly chicks with bad teeth and tits that touch their knees, they will look at this as an obvious red flag and not see you. I’m not being mean but you come across as whiny and not really mentally ready for this thing of ours. This is not for the faint of heart. The statements by Anna nikole and ebony are wrong. Most chicks here if they really like you and want you to be their boyfriend will let you drive their car, be late picking them up from everything and they will take care of you. That’s what most do with the current boyfriends they have just read certain threads where ladies have been fleeced by their so. Keep paying and you are still just a trick. Some shit is best given to a psychiatrist or just given to God. I only give here what I choose or is carefully constructed towards an end goal that benefits me. This will not benefit you, I’m surprised folks have been as gentle as they have been. Post this shit on eccie and they will have you in a corner with your thumb in your mouth crying for momma. You benefit that Ck runs this joint like a grey bearded Santa Claus with bright red cheeks and always smiling, he keeps this place a safe zone for people who couldn’t handle someone raising their voice. I honestly wish you the best but like my foe doc Holliday stated I would stock up on Vaseline and just jack off to Xvideo or call my 15 year relationship chick back and try to patch that shit up. This here site is for sex freaks with the cold heart of Kobe. Good foooking luck. Tooodlez....

[Shinepro]

We are all human but at the end of the day self preservation is the first law of the land. Most of us don’t want to admit it but we are broken people in this hobby, and two broken toxic people will most often than not mix. Take sex out of the equation , still pay her and see how long your affection for her will remain. More often than not it’s foooking loneliness, mixed with Lust. The one lady who said it worked for her admits the guy went through extraordinary difficulties to love her through her brokenness. Are you willing to do that and more often than not we are not. Trust me loving a provider is way harder than loving a regular square chick off the block. Come here, get pussy as cheap as you possibly can then find love elsewhere, but hey do you. Mod ties have expanded to our home. Tooodlez.....

[Ugotme10]

Like I said on a different board. This is snatch.com NOT match.com. I’m sure you have very deep feelings for her... this is two people sharing very intimate moments together and not all of it is pretend. It’s common for strangers to become friends and exchange phrases like “I love you.” Feel sad when we’re apart and feel genuinely happy when we see each other again.
Some may even make plans for a future together. But you may also be one in hundreds who feels that way for this person. Some have kids, boyfriends, husbands and parents who know of their activities. So your odds of a future together dramatically decrease with every person who’s involved in your ladies life. When the time comes that they decide to hang up their g-strings and heels and want to settle down, and if their interested, maybe that will be the time to act. Some will also close the door to their past and never look back.
Good luck.
The nice thing about this is... if the lady you like happens to catch you in bed with another woman, it’s probably because she was late arriving to the doubles session.

[randomgetdown]

So many responses… To settle a few curiosities... (And I apologize in advance for the novel I'm going to post right now but there is too much to write)

No this is not a mandel (not exactly sure what that means? Or stands for)
And no, technically I am not a newbie

I am new to this community (OH2) and new to this State (TX) I was born and raised in another state. I moved here before the pandemic I have no friends or family here. I basically had zero human interaction for four months, and I joined this site while bars/clubs/everything was still closed.

The last time I was involved in the hobby was over 7 years ago and that lasted 3 months and that was in my home state.

Technically I’m not a newbie, however by all accounts I am still fairly new, and I am not an expert or a veteran by any means(I’m still learning). Regarding how I could know so much about the hobby, I used various internet forums switter, reddit, eccie, p411, ter, google, blogs, etc to research everything I could and cross reference everything I found before pulling the trigger(with the internet you can become fairly knowledgable about anything).

As for why, I’m so interested in change. By nature/nurture I’ve been passive and reserved. Major life events occurred for me and I’m working on improving myself drastically and why not? Maybe it’s the turbulent times or me getting older but I do feel more urgency and responsibility to be bold, kind, and an advocate for positive change. (I’ve also been reading a lot of books by Brene Brown, Judd Apatow, and Mark Manson to name a few)


I applaud everyone for taking the time to write/think/discuss on these topics. However, please for the sake of this thread try not to 1 up each other with who has had it worse. Your experiences may have been painful, but let people learn from it, and learn to let the negative emotion go when you express it, own any mistakes and accept the outcomes(it was what it was and it's in the past). For people responding exercise kindness and empathy with your responses it goes a long way.

In all seriousness gentlemen, the ladies should always be the ones driving this business and dictating the course of this world, they are the ones taking the majority if not all of the risks. Be kind to them. I know sometimes these can be hard principles and guidelines to abide by but providers are giving their time to provide the best service they can and no matter how much money you have you can’t buy time back. Always let the woman know that she can refuse any request, be organic, and honest.

Currently I think the MVP’s of this thread are Math Guy and Krystal both have brought some interesting food for thought to the table. So if you haven’t read their responses I recommend you read those thoroughly.

As for my own story/narrative the following is a piece to the puzzle that I left out before because it did feel quite sensitive, super embarrassing, and really personal to me.

I know now that I can share this story, feel completely secure with who I am, and can only hope that for any one reading this it will help them as much as it helps me putting this out there. Now onto story time :)

The final overnight.

In the interest of keeping this short, I’ll do my best to provide the most relevant details. I will state that we had a full night of fun, heavy drinking, and good conversation. Albeit at times it was awkward and initially I thought a bit of a train wreck but looking back it wasn't all bad. When things started to get hot and heavy in the bedroom I was ecstatic. We were both on the bed and about to move into the main event of the night. I had just put on the condom.

Provider A, laid before me on the bed, she was the most gorgeously, exquisite, goddess. The way she looked into my eyes felt so intense and I felt connected. I looked over saw the minute change on the clock and thats when it all changed. I realized our time together was coming to an end. That image snapped my mind into reality, she was going to be leaving soon.

My anxiety hit, and I felt myself go limp. “Oh, fuck…” I thought. I couldn’t perform. When she realized what was happening, I felt so incredibly full of shame, guilt, and embarrassment. I didn't know what to do. Here I was, with a woman from my fantasies, and I was a prisoner of my own mind. She was incredibly kind about it and told me to lay down and relax with her. I told her that I was in my head about her leaving and my overwhelming sense that one day she would stop talking to me, she said that that, wouldn’t happen and proceeded to make a pinky promise. (This simple act was so endearing and one of those little quirks that enjoyed about her as a person)

At the end of our allotted time she asked me if she should stay and said she was worried about me. In her words “You look like you lost your puppy”. I told her that I would be fine and that I didn’t want to make her stay.

As she was preparing to leave She asked if she could still take her gift with her, to which I replied “Of course, That gift is yours, I specifically bought it because I was thinking of you”

The gift wasn’t anything overly crazy or pricey. It was a set of bath products, bath salts, bubble bath, and oils. The scent was labeled as Unicorn. When I saw it in the store, I thought of her and how she was a unicorn to me. A fantasy that people spend their entire lives looking for, a myth that represents all things good. Of course I didn’t say all of that cause that would be a bit over the top/crazy and I was taken by negative emotions, but that’s why I bought her that gift specifically and I meant it to be for her with no other intentions than I thought of you and I thought this would make you happy.

(A self care gift to help ease the stresses of the world with a little bit of meaning in the name, she said she loved the smell so that made me happy)
I walked her down the lobby talked to her for a bit we hugged, said goodbye, and I watched her leave.

In the end you’re all free to come to your own conclusions but understand that it’s not the whole story, it's from one perspective, and I did my best to stay nuetral, in my writing. To reiterate I didn’t include all details/events and I tried my best to omit anything that provider A said or did on purpose.

Not because any of it was bad on the contrary she was amazing but I didn’t think it would be right to try to tell her side of the story and expose her emotions/actions or disclose anything too personal/private that she said or did. Again the way we communicated with each other was very up front, kind, and honest. Up until the end where she blocked me(I feel like it brings a new meaning to being cock blocked or no cock block lol I don’t know) but I’m over that now and I’ve been given so much great advice, perspective, and sympathy/empathy for which I am really grateful for.

This is me at my most vulnerable, I’ve found it easier to let a lot of things go, and laugh at myself after posting. I’m happy to see so many people being able to resonate with this story, and create useful dialogue. I know a lot of people may roast me or question my motives/intent for this thread but it won’t kill me. (Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and I feel like I’ll be incredibly strong at the end)

Lastly to provider A, should you ever come across this thread and read this. I am incredibly sorry for how our last interaction played out and I take full ownership of my actions and though ATM I don’t fully understand why I was blocked, I won’t ever hold it against you and I understand you had your reasons and that’s enough. I hope you can accept my apology and one day we can meet again.

P.S. I’ve been interested in creative writing for a long time and this has been an excellent platform, thank you all for your interest in my personal story, be safe, be kind, and I am grateful for all of our interactions. Also looking forward to making new friends, acquaintances, and connections here :) Sincerest apologies for all the novels through out this thread.

Final thought I’m wondering if I got myself on some kind of DNS list due to this thread? And If so what would my description be? Might be fake? Has feelings and gets attached? Too honest? Can’t stay hard?

TLDR: Client tells story of emotion, honesty, and vulnerability. Members begin discussing emotion/vulnerability and relationships in the world. Community experiences growth. :)

Main points made: Don’t have feelings, Do good business, we’re all human(have feelings its natural), communicate, be realistic, let things unfold organically

This is not a hoax. I am an actual person, male client/hobbyist And this is actually my story. Please keep this thread on topic I find all the stories/perspectives interesting, fun, and helpful.

[Prometheusfire]

Op, this is a P4P site...NOT Match.com. Now this part is serious, you should never disclose personal information and NEVER do outcalls to your house. Never forget that we are just tricks!

Maybe you should consider this hobby ain’t for you.

I think Doc is on to something here. You need to ask yourself what you REALLY want out a relationship whether it’s with a provider or sugarbaby or girlfriend or wife. And that’s part of learning to be honest with yourself.

[Birdieman]

Op, the pain you are headed for. Man, it happened to me. I got bit bad. Thinking how i could leave what i have for her. I was able to get down and personal with her big time. She shared with me lots of details about her real world life. Long sessions, meet ups at gas stations just to see her. Handing her cash for her kids. You think you’re in for sure. Then you start reading reviews and get details from posters how they banged her good, how she did cim, craved their cock, how they invited her friends and it was a fuck fest. All the while you think of the passion you had with her and you tell yourself how you know she cares for you more than them. You start justifying in your mind and heart that it’s ok what she does with them because you know she thinks of you so much more.

When you set up your appointment you think she’s going to be so happy to see you. You tell her you miss her and you’re ready to make her happy then she replies. “What time”? I mean that’s all you get. So you start thinking that she’s short in her answers because she’s busy, when in reality she wants to make sure the other client has left.

Oh man, it’s fucking crazy. Dude, brother, get your head right. It’s going to be painful for a while but you’ll get over it. You don’t know when, you don’t know how long it will take but one day you will realize you’re not thinking of her. Then you’ll smile and you’ll be just fine.

[randomgetdown]

Wow, reading through all the responses I feel pretty honored that this thread has compelled people into responding.(For you stats nerds this thread currently has a 2-3% engagement rate which is phenomenal on any digital platform)

Currently I am moving past everything so thanks for all the best wishes and advice. It's interesting to see the disparity and tone amongst providers and clients within the hobby.

To paraphrase and reply to a few responses;

My advice, understand what the hobby is and once you do, keep hobbying should you so desire.

Thanks for the advice, if I may ask what is the hobby to you? or to anyone reading this provider or client?

This here site is for sex freaks with the cold heart of Kobe. Good foooking luck.

Thanks for your response and advice, I thought this site was a place for the sex freak community regardless of race/gender/preference/creed? Or maybe it's for buying homes? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I have had a couple of guys really want to get entangled with me, and I once have too… it’s natural and seems to seldom happen… imo this connection doesn’t mean the “hobby isn’t for you”.

Thanks for your response I'm glad you found my post intriguing also thanks for sharing your experience

We've been together 6 years…takes very good care of me and I'm very happy...this outcome doesn't happen alot so I am extremely grateful that mine did. But - yes - sometimes it works Yes - sometimes it works.

Thanks for responding, I've actually read a few stories of this too on reddit/blogs/etc and that's awesome that it worked out for you! That would definitely be an interesting story to read.

I know of many girls and guys, who found their significant other here, on this hobby platform and are still together and stronger than most couples from the Real World. BTW - I consider hobby world more real - not the other-way. I was in love with few clients and I had to brake it off, just like your girl did - block and go silent. Because it was easier for me to handle it that way.
Other time, my Gent(s) had to brake it off, because "we got too deep."

Thanks for your response I did find it comforting to think about. Sometimes it does feel that this hobby world can be more real in that the interactions are with less judgement I guess? I'd love to hear more on why you consider hobby world more real.

You need to ask yourself what you REALLY want out a relationship whether it’s with a provider or sugarbaby or girlfriend or wife. And that’s part of learning to be honest with yourself.

Thanks for the advice, At this time I'm having fun and being truthful/honest with whatever I'm feeling with whomever I am with

Man, it happened to me. I got bit bad. You don’t know when, you don’t know how long it will take but one day you will realize you’re not thinking of her. Then you’ll smile and you’ll be just fine.

Dang, your response is a crazy read and thought process but I was glad to read it and I'm sure many other people are too and could relate.

This thread is really interesting to me(the human condition and what not) and I really do hope that by me being vulnerable and putting a story out there about what I felt for people to read, think about, and maybe even respond to, will help bring further positive change and normalize the acceptance of emotion and/or empathy within this community. Sometimes emotions can be difficult to talk about (especially when it comes to client provider relations) but as so many have responded it is completely normal.

Also I see this thread striking a chord with some that makes me question who hurt you?(Also I'm sorry you were hurt so bad) but it's 2020, and I think it's about time to let go of have no emotion front cause it takes a whole lot more strength/courage to exercise empathy than to not reflect on your own feelings/responses.

In the words of Maya Angelou American poet, memoirist, civil rights activist, and provider "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel"

[Bankshots]

+1 on what Tyboy said.
You aren't the first or last this has happened to. Just consider yourself lucky she blocked you. There are some that would have milked every dime they could from you.