Clients that want to "Hang Out as Friends", thoughts please

[Oralist]

+1 to DR's comments - and to Universal that recognized same as 'real'...

So... (to be clear) I don't "hang out" with providers, or try to...

butt, I've had times when I've taken a (repeating ATF) gal for pizza after the sesh...

... and taken several to Chinatown (off the clock) for massage and dinner, these activities spontaneously offered and FOLLOWING a sesh

These variances were meant just as friendly, spontaneous, appreciative gestures - extended by me (and graciously accepted by them, post sesh)... REAL

I never expected anything from them as a 'quid pro quo'; butt, I have found that it is a good and beneficial thing to be good (to people)

*********

We have a colleague here on OH2; he's energetic, unique - and a rascal for sure... butt a very good guy as well, especially to the girls...

HE will 'hang out' at times with selective providers - provide libation, entertainment - and counsel... IMHO, that's OK and beneficial for both parties.

HE's NOT the only one. I am aware of several gents that have provider/RW friend relationships of one degree or another.

It is a balance, I'm sure - with proper respect and boundaries required towards both parties.

*********

(minor rant follows)...

It's EZ for a guy, especially a "new-to-all-this" guy, to mistake the IOP for "genuine".

Ladies, you think he's a fool... butt he's just confused - and he will wise up at some point.

It's a credit to your skillz that you can make him feel that way, so attagirl - you done good!

I've had Friendships with a couple of Companions that I've seen regularly for at least 2 years. I'm Oralist for more reasons than sexual things. I love oral communication, too. I'm a social creature at heart. We shared our RW lives and, every now and then, a dinner or lunch date. That said, when the Companion moved on, the friendship died.

[Austin Ellen]

So true MG. I am in a relationship with a wonderful man for 5 years now. When I started in the hobby I was doing doubles and then I went solo. He was my very first solo client. He is an experienced monger with 20 years in the hobby. We have never had an argument. And the reason for that - we are never in conflict with each other. He respects me and I respect him. Plus we know to compartilize and our private world does not evolve around sex. I could never "date" a real world guy oh Lord,no. That would never work. What I love about the hobby is the friendships with boundries that I have discovered. Every person is so different and sometimes you just connect with someone and it becomes special. I have several of those. I call them my hobby husbands and yes, we don't watch the clock. But you have to be careful. Some people don't understand hobby boundries and then that becomes problematic. And yes, I've had "over attachments" happen and I hate that because I hate hurting peoples feelings. But when you get the right connection - that time period together is outstanding!

Actually it's not totally off topic b/c this is very closely related to the original question posted by Uni.

I can answer some of your questions. I can't speak for women, but then again no woman can speak for every other woman anyway I do know some girls in the hobby and I've had a lot of experience in this realm.

So for your main hypothetical question above, what does she say, how does she deal with guys who approach her in RL? Essentially the vast majority, and I mean vast majority, simply don't do that while they are in the hobby unless it's a very part-time hobby or they have a FWB. They don't "date" in the normal way. Some might. MOST don't though. Some end up having the hobby become a romantic connection (rarely, but it does happen - I've had it happen). Usually though at best it's typically an FWB situation that evolves while the girl still "works" other guys (at least while she is in the hobby life). The very rare exception is if it goes beyond that wherein the girl will essentially quit this line of work to be with the man. That could simply be that it's an exclusive SB arrangement with a wealthy man OR a genuine caring and respect for each other and enjoying sex together and all the other life goals and so on.

The overwhelming majority of girls that hobby will not have a regular dating life the way you mentioned. They are single b/c they either like sex with various men and the money is good.

I wish it was always rosey and they were all happy. Unfortunately the sad fact of the matter is that most are not always happy. They are very jaded. It's for money. This is the bad side of this hobby. That bad side also exists b/c not all men are good men. Respectful. Gentleman. Caring. Clean. Etc. They want to treat a woman like some fuck doll or do some odd fetish that bothers the girl and sickens her. Makes her feel worthless. This is the part that bothers me. I try to be vocal about how girls can fix this and enjoy a much safer and healthy (meaning mentally healthy) perspective about men by being much more discriminating and selective about partners.

But, the quick answer is, they don't "date" like that.

[Universal]

I've had Friendships with a couple of Companions that I've seen regularly for at least 2 years. I'm Oralist for more reasons than sexual things. I love oral communication, too. I'm a social creature at heart. We shared our RW lives and, every now and then, a dinner or lunch date. That said, when the Companion moved on, the friendship died.

Have you ever remained friends with a provider that got out of the business and held a regular job or got married?
Does the dynamics change when they are no longer an escort ???

[Oralist]

Have you ever remained friends with a provider that got out of the business and held a regular job or got married?
Does the dynamics change when they are no longer an escort ???

The one that retired just disappeared. The other is still providing, but no longer wanted me as a client or a friend. I never knew why, but think it was because I was Grandfathered at a Donation 1/2 of her current one.

[Universal]

MG,I'm going to say one more thing and then stop hijacking the thread. I pretty much agree with what you say and when I said friend doesn't expect anything in return, I was not quite right. Usually, even if we say we aren't expecting anything in return most of really are. We are expecting to see the joy it brings, or a little tear forming in the corner of the eye, or a big hug. Quite often these are enough.

At least you honest about most are expecting something in return. Gentle Hugs for the candid reality

[mathguy]

So true MG. I am in a relationship with a wonderful man for 5 years now. When I started in the hobby I was doing doubles and then I went solo. He was my very first solo client. He is an experienced monger with 20 years in the hobby. We have never had an argument. And the reason for that - we are never in conflict with each other. He respects me and I respect him. Plus we know to compartilize and our private world does not evolve around sex. I could never "date" a real world guy oh Lord,no. That would never work. What I love about the hobby is the friendships with boundries that I have discovered. Every person is so different and sometimes you just connect with someone and it becomes special. I have several of those. I call them my hobby husbands and yes, we don't watch the clock. But you have to be careful. Some people don't understand hobby boundries and then that becomes problematic. And yes, I've had "over attachments" happen and I hate that because I hate hurting peoples feelings. But when you get the right connection - that time period together is outstanding!

Thx Ellen sweetie Sounds like you have a great life and relationship. So many girls could learn a ton from listening to you! I honestly believe you are someone who figured out one of the best ways to endure in this hobby and end up with a nice life. Truly.

[Katrina]

Cautionary tale:

I've always seen people trying to date or do things off the clock "as friends" as an attempt to be friends with benefits. After moving to Austin I met someone and let my guard down (my fault) because I was new here and am an empty nester, so I thought to myself that it may be fun to explore the city with this gentleman as friends. Here's the problem, then second you are doing things off the clock because you like someone and then they turn around and start paying for other people's time and not only that ladies are asking you for references, it just leaves a really bad taste in your mouth and leaves you feeling like a complete idiot.

As I said, I do blame myself for letting my heart get the better of me and wanting to be his friend outside the norm, but in my experience it's just a REALLY bad idea. Guys look upon this as a challenge and will do or say anything to pull this off, even throwing around words that should be reserved for someone you truly love.

I've heard since from others that it's not the first time he's done this. He's incredibly charming & a super smooth talker and kudos to him for being the first person to pull this off on me, because I consider myself a very good judge of character. If that weren't bad enough, he pulled my P411 vouch for him so that I couldn't warn others there and also I believe that he likely has numerous handles. I feel like this Austin gent may have even gone so far as to put it out there that I'm a flexible person, because since moving to Austin I've had an huge influx of people attempting to do this. One person even said he left his girlfriend for me...uhhh....WHY, I at no point indicated that I wanted to take her place in a real world setting, lol? Then there are the guys young and old who just believe they are God's gift to women and that they can get around almost anything.

I'm a super nice person and am very generous with my time if I feel we are compatible because I genuinely like what I do. My new policy is yes, I do want new friends here and I may be willing to go out for drinks, etc...but once we are back at my place or yours and I am in Chef mode, then I expect to be compensated for that time spent.

I'm not naming him because I'm willing to bet that many will know how I'm talking about. I believe him to be at his core a nice person who I most definitely met at the wrong time.

I agree with you, it's a bad idea!!!

[Zantanna Paralla]

As a gal who has mostly guy friends. In the RW I a best friend who I have never had sex with nor has he ever tried. And yes we have slept in the same bed.

Now as for someone I've met here! Yes. I've had lunch or drinks with some guys. Been to some baseball games
I have one who has become a very amazing friend and we even know each other's friends and a few family members. He has never tried to take advantage of me even though I've said it doesn't feel right taking money from him. The trust is there and we just get along great. I can tell him anything and there is no jealousy.

Now I am not saying this is common or happens all the time. Because I get the nature of some people isn't always honest and sincere. I'm normally very guarded but I trust my judgement. I have several great guys who I concider friend's. I'm pretty picky about who I see and only see repeats if I enjoy it and have a good feeling about the guy.

So there is no way to say just yes or no because every situation is different.

[JessieJane]

In Austin I had times where WELL ESTABLISHED gents asked me if I wanted to meet for happy hour ect... this happened quite often.

I have had times where I extended time because I was having a good time on multiple hours adventures. Especially if it included drinks-dinner. If I'm taken care of I'm a relaxed individual. Guess that's why I enjoy older gents company. Idk. Lol.

I have met gents that were looking for more. Everything and one has their own personal boundaries. To each their own.

[NordicJag]

As a gal who has mostly guy friends. In the RW I a best friend who I have never had sex with nor has he ever tried. And yes we have slept in the same bed.

So let me see if I have this straight. You sleep in the same bed. You don't have sex. Are you sure you two aren't married? lol

[mathguy]

So let me see if I have this straight. You sleep in the same bed. You don't have sex. Are you sure you two aren't married? lol

Hahaha. Good one Jag.
Edit: however I do really like ZPs comment on the issue (to be clear - that part was just funny tho hehe)

[Barry244]

Havent any of you seen the movie Pretty Woman? Im sure its happened for real in the real world on more than one occasion. I have been lucky to find a few providers which i would call a friend. They are incredibly brave women with ridiculous bedroom skills.....A book should be written to help RW women on pleasing men

[kerwil]

The only way I'd hang out with a provider is that she's at a social with other providers and hobbyists. That way we could both move around.

Hanging out with a provider just because? No but I did have a 30min session turn into 2 hours once. And no we didn't fuck again(because I couldn't get back hard after being nutted out) and I wasn't charged for extra time.

To add to this post, I did one time had a well known provider ask me out for lunch simply because we've never been BCD. I knew she was full of shit when she didn't follow up on it.

I can't just hang out or be friends with a provider I haven't fucked, especially if she'e one I'd like to fuck.

[Universal]

To add to this post, I did one time had a well known provider ask me out for lunch simply because we've never been BCD. I knew she was full of shit when she didn't follow up on it.

I can't just hang out or be friends with a provider I haven't fucked, especially if she'e one I'd like to fuck.

I have heard of some women doing meet and greets first for drinks just to see the guys appearance without ever going BCD.
Men have done the same.

[Ms.Athena]

Ive used Meet and Greets many times to help screen a newbie. Has nothing to do with looks. But their demeanor and how they present themselves.