The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption..
The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.. The police are looking into it.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your Count that votes.
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!
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Too cute and inventive. May I borrow this for my website blog, with credit to to you, Yak_Man, and ASPD? Thanks! 
