When Things Go Horribly Wrong In A Hurry

She said her oral sex skillz were the best in the world...Even if she did have braces on her teeth.

She went down on me and, truth be told, it was heavenly.
For a while, anyway... Until the retaining wire in her braces broke.

She didn't realize it...*I* didn't realize it...at first.
She actually went up...down...up again before I realized something had gone horribly wrong.
I pulled out of her mouth to find a bloody "Z" carved into my pride 'n joy. "The Mark of Zorro".

I guess I should be thankful it didn't leave a scar.

Tell us your story of when things went bad quickly....

I used to see an elderly gent in Nola..who had never married..he was 69....and he had lived with his parents till they died.


I was riding his face furiously when all of a sudden the headboards came loose in my gripping hands and fell to the floor! He then informed me that it was ok cause it was his moms bed...ewwwwwwwww
and the topper was he told me to use the spare bathroom..it had a pottychair on the toilet..it had been his moms! ewwwwww more!!

EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW....

The first story was bad, the 2nd 'worse'...

Both were entertaining though... who'll post 'more'?

lol Gezzz I am really gonna write a book..lol!

I had a gent come see me in New Mexico..I was at a cheap outdoor entrance type hotel.The guy pulls up in a little ford focus...he knocks on the door and when i opened he asked me if he could bring his puppy inside so he wouldnt get hot in the car.......I saw the little car and thoughty that it must be a small dog so I said YES......welllllllll he brought this damn lab dog out of the backseat! I had agreed so I let him come inside.the dog layed on the floor the whole time we were doing the dirty deed....when the guy started to come he let out a screetch really loud! The dog jumps up and starts growling at me! I made the guy get dressed and leave with the damn dog...I dont even like dogs..lol!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by DallasRain

I used to see an elderly gent in Nola..who had never married..he was 69....and he had lived with his parents till they died.


I was riding his face furiously when all of a sudden the headboards came loose in my gripping hands and fell to the floor! He then informed me that it was ok cause it was his moms bed...ewwwwwwwww
and the topper was he told me to use the spare bathroom..it had a pottychair on the toilet..it had been his moms! ewwwwww more!!

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This sounds like something you'd see on one of those "porn blooper reels". *grin*
You've had some exciting times!

Many years ago, I went to one of the various venues in the Houston area that offered nude dancers XXXmovies, And other play in the "VIP". This place was of of I-10 east. Went in got my drink, saw some the dirty movie. The Lady and went to the back for BBBJ. The head I got from her was the worst I have ever had. This woman used so much tooth my poor tool was sore for three days.
The skin was not broken thankfuly.!

Ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch! Just reading some of these stories is making my shamrock hurt!

I sprained my wrist not long ago on an escapade... Maybe I'll share that later. Evil grin. And there's the time I got a wicked boo-bruise in a cemetery, and there's the stick shift in the wrong place during car cavorting, and the green goo that dried and dyed a swath in my hair from jello shots, and my strawberry reaction from a shillelagh polishing, and the guy who made me wear his dead wife's bra, and the bed at a hotel a fellow and I broke bouncing, and the gent who passed out in the hotel hot tub, and... and... and...

I've accumulated lots of stories in my 13-year carnal career, some funny, some frightening. I should write a book with Dallas!

I remembered something, A client arrived and there is a drink with a straw on my bedside table at all times. We getting busy, he is standing while I sit on edge of bed giving him a bj & I take a quick sip before starting, the straw shifted & grazed my gum (didn't think anything of it) and so, as I'm sucking he sees blood on his penis and we didn't know where the blood was coming from. Finally it dawned on me that the straw had cut my gum.
scared me & him

More of a funny than scary one....

I was really nervous with this woman I had met and trying to keep a positive impression going. I was chewing gum to keep my breath fresh and we got to a point where I was going down on her and vigorously licking and nibbling her. I went to town for about 20-30 minutes and she had a couple of orgasms. At some point I realized the gum was no longer in my mouth and I assumed I must have swallowed it. Anyways, after all was said and done, I was driving home and realized the gum had "liquified" while I was eating her and my mustache and beard were not "solidifying" because the saliva/etc was drying. I had to cut my mustache and beard off when I got home because it was hard as a rock with solid gum. Never chew gum when going down on somebody. lol

Just FYI, you could have dissolved the gum with creamy peanut butter, works like a charm.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by DallasRain

lol Gezzz I am really gonna write a book..lol!

I had a gent come see me in New Mexico..I was at a cheap outdoor entrance type hotel.The guy pulls up in a little ford focus...he knocks on the door and when i opened he asked me if he could bring his puppy inside so he wouldnt get hot in the car.......I saw the little car and thoughty that it must be a small dog so I said YES......welllllllll he brought this damn lab dog out of the backseat! I had agreed so I let him come inside.the dog layed on the floor the whole time we were doing the dirty deed....when the guy started to come he let out a screetch really loud! The dog jumps up and starts growling at me! I made the guy get dressed and leave with the damn dog...I dont even like dogs..lol!

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LMAO

My crazy and scary time was when I was 19 years old. I would pick up the girls at the strip club. I normally get 2 girls but not at the same time. So, one Friday night I decided to get 3 girls at the same time. 2 Latina were sisters and 1 white bff. We went to the hotel around closing. We had some drinks and porn on the tv. Before you know it. We were having a great all time 4some. We went at it for about 3 or 4 hrs. Until I pass out. When I woke up, I was at the hospital. The girls were they’re at my side. They thought I had a heart attack. The doctor told I had an asthma attack. He smiles and walked away. The girls told him everything that had happen. Later mom came to get me. She was pissed.

An encounter with a mature provider 40+, I used to see almost weekly, who was quite the Greek Goddess. I wasn’t expecting to be available that weekend, but my schedule cleared and I wanted to see her on short notice. She accommodated, but this didn’t allow for adequate “Greek prep time”.

We meet, I thank her profusely for seeing me at the last minute, I guess she had just had breakfast and off we went. We go through the rotation and cap it off covered FDAU Greek. Not a particularly wise move on either of our part.

Suffice it to say, midway through, it was like a scene from the Exorcist, but from the other end. It was everywhere. She was thoroughly embarrassed, I laughed it off cuz that shit was kinda funny. I saw her again a few times after that, until she relocated, but we never met in that notel again.

^^A tough guy to go through booty explosion..