dating and this hobby

[Sue Nami]

Ladies do you find it hard to find accepting vanilla men not in the hobby to date long term? at what point do you tell them of your "job". do you date clients? men, do you tell vanilla women you date that you hobby? at what point do you reveal this to them? do you date women who do this profession? to both sexes, do you just neglect to tell people you date about this side of your life and keep it a secret? when is it appropriate to tell someone? married is a whole other deal but if u care to reveal, do u tell your spouse or keep it a secret? did ask permission or just do it and tell the spouse later after the fact? it is hard to date and find romance when this hobby is in the mix.

[JackBandit8]

Though I'm not dating currently. I set a couple rules when I started hobbying.

1. Once I get in a serious relationship, I retire from hobbying and
2. If she ever asks about this side of my life, that I would be honest.

The topic of previous sexual encounters always comes up sooner or later. That would be the perfect time to tell her during that conversation assuming the relationship matured. I don't think the relationship is serious enough if I can't trust her with all me. This includes my past. I wouldn't want anything to catch her offguard.

[NikkiGhost]

I also made myself rules when starting out. I question them every day. I just talked with another provider regarding dating in the hobby the other day and was told it's always a bad idea. Recently had the urge to do so but was slapped bk to reality. So I'm a tad heart broken of the boundaries I've had to set and abide by. But something she said stuck with me "as long as you are still working in the hobby, where they met you.. there won't ever be any trust." 🤷*♀️ I guess I won't be dating anytime soon. And if and when I do, that's probably the first conversation I would have with that special someone💗

[BrigittaBanana]

I have absolutely no interest in dating at the moment, as I just got out of a 7 year long relationship. Obviously it failed, but he was also a sex worker so we had a mutual understanding of what providing this service entails. That being said, if I do ever start dating in the future, it will probably be with another sex worker. Perhaps a vanilla man or woman might be understanding, as I am only interested in partners that come from an ethical non monogamy background, but I will never go out looking for relationships. I have too long neglected my hobbies and passions over the past decade by supporting other peoples' dreams and ambitions and not my own, and those are more interesting and important to me than finding someone to tolerate.

If you feel discouraged about not being accepted by potential partners because of sex work, even my vanilla friends (both men and women alike) are having a hard time finding good matches in the dating pool - and that's without the added complications this hobby brings.

[El_Jefe]

I believe it really depends on the people involved. Are they jealous, insecure, petty, immature. If both can agree on rules/boundaries for each other than it will work. If the either one is not committed to making it work than it wont. The same can be said for those outside the hobby. There is nothing saying that meeting someone outside of this will work. Honesty, maturity, acceptance and compromise. I say it just really depends on the people involved. Thats my 2 cents.

[whiskeyforus]

It sounds trite, but I believe honesty is the best policy. If the relationship won't hold after revealing the past, and what is expected in the future, it likely wouldn't have lasted to begin with. The sooner, the better. The other half won't feel something was hidden all along.
I think this is for any relationship. Adding the hobby is one thing among all the rest of the issues a relationship entails.

[SexySammy]

I have found a good mix with a couple of my married clients. One wife is aware, the other isn't. Both are very happily married and love their wives, as well as me, but not in that same way. What we have is love in the sense of, caring for another person, wanting to do things to make them happy because it makes you happy, obviously the love of great open sex (both are completely different sexually) and it all comes down to communication. After doing the hobby thing for so long, and seeing the amount of married men I have, I honestly don't see myself ever dating/being monogamous ever again. Polygamy I could get into and be cool with but sex gets boring unless you and your partner are open to trying new things all the time etc. Not to mention the stress a relationship adds to the sex life over time between life and kids etc. I don't judge my married clients who don't tell their wives by any means but I feel like I'm helping them to be happier and what we have and do isn't the same as a person emotionally cheating with another ya know what I mean? This is supposed to remain a fun, sexual relationship where needs get met and you get to skip the drama and you pay about as much as you would taking a girl out in a date.

[gtnnkd]

You can't date an escort. You guys get used to the lifestyle and will never quit; to date an escort you have to be willing to support them and basically be there sugar daddy. Any man who does date an escort and says he's OK with it is a simp and doesn't care about the escort or himself because any real man is not goint o accept being in a relationship with someone that is always fucking other people. We all have the fantasy of "saving" an escort but it is not realistic. There is a Project Pat song all about this called "don't save her" LOL. Oh and I'm not hating on or looking down on escorts at all.

- - - Updated - - -

And why do you want to date only vanilla men. Why not date a guy that is not vanilla; why reward a fuckboy and treat a guy you really like with vanilla. You women have things so messed up when it comes to dating.

[Transylvania Count]

As my signature reads, I am married and here with permission from my wife. She is my safety net. I always let her know where I am going and who I am seeing. After 20+ years of marriage, she understands I am not going anywhere and the hobby makes me happy. A truly loving partner will accept this, and not hold it against you.

I immediately stop seeing ladies who mention husbands or boyfriends. This is a major turnoff for me! I know the ladies have husbands or boyfriends, and that's fine. I just don't want to hear about it during our time together.

Occasionally, I meet ladies who are interested in me. I don't wear rings, so they think I am single. I let them know my situation immediately. Some stay, some move on. Such is life.

[Sue Nami]

if you're married and playing with permission, why does your sperm count matter?

[Headlover]

Well, my late wife was a provider for the first 6 years we were married so of course she. Sometimes she would join in sometimes she would just record.

[Transylvania Count]

if you're married and playing with permission, why does your sperm count matter?

Miss Sue, I'm not exactly sure what you're asking here. The two subjects are separate. Sperm count matters because condoms fail. Or someone gets an idea about doing something with a condom full of baby juice, that could haunt someone else nine months later. It's just another layer of protection. Some additional reading here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sperm_theft

[SexySammy]

Miss Sue, I'm not exactly sure what you're asking here. The two subjects are separate. Sperm count matters because condoms fail. Or someone gets an idea about doing something with a condom full of baby juice, that could haunt someone else nine months later. It's just another layer of protection. Some additional reading here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sperm_theft

I have one guy who takes his with him and I'm sure there are some ladies who would blackmail a man with that sort of thing for money because I've seen ladies do some seriously fucked up things. But I van promise you the last thing I want or would do, is have a child with someone I met in the hobby, not to mention it's just as fucked up as men who pull the rubber off without a ladies consent. I'm sure Sue may have associated them because they're in the same line together.

[baja22]

I have found a good mix with a couple of my married clients. One wife is aware, the other isn't. Both are very happily married and love their wives, as well as me, but not in that same way. What we have is love in the sense of, caring for another person, wanting to do things to make them happy because it makes you happy, obviously the love of great open sex (both are completely different sexually) and it all comes down to communication. After doing the hobby thing for so long, and seeing the amount of married men I have, I honestly don't see myself ever dating/being monogamous ever again. Polygamy I could get into and be cool with but sex gets boring unless you and your partner are open to trying new things all the time etc. Not to mention the stress a relationship adds to the sex life over time between life and kids etc. I don't judge my married clients who don't tell their wives by any means but I feel like I'm helping them to be happier and what we have and do isn't the same as a person emotionally cheating with another ya know what I mean? This is supposed to remain a fun, sexual relationship where needs get met and you get to skip the drama and you pay about as much as you would taking a girl out in a date.

Yes!

[pmdelites]

Sue Nami posted/asked ...
men, do you tell vanilla women you date that you hobby?
at what point do you reveal this to them?
do you date women who do this profession?
q1 & q2: no comment, as i've been in a committed relationship since before i started visiting adult sexual providers (ASPs).
q3: if the woman and i had lots of shared values and interests, i would consider dating her. but i haven't.


married is a whole other deal but if u care to reveal, do u tell your spouse or keep it a secret?
did ask permission or just do it and tell the spouse later after the fact?
q1: yep, i've never told her about my sexual encounters - have kept it a secret for 26yrs. there were only a few times that i was this close to getting outed/busted for screwing w/ an adult sexual provider.

q2: we had a quasi-open relationship for a few years, but it was w/ people we both knew.
before we started that, we pledged that we would not unilaterally end our committed relationship.

now, if she were more open minded about some things, i prolly would have discussed it with her so she'd know.
but since i'm not gonna leave her for an ASP, i'm honoring that pledge. just not telling her about them.


it is hard to date and find romance when this hobby is in the mix."
true! and as others have stated, almost as difficult in civilian life.
glad i hooked up w/ her many moons ago.
cos we share many values and interests.
cos we like each other.
cos we'll have someone to be with as we age.


good luck if you decide to enter into any relationship!