Referral etiquette

[CasualMNUFan]

I have a question about referral etiquette. I did a fair amount of hobbying in 2017-2019 with some incredible ladies. Due to Covid and a job change, I didn’t do much in 2020 and the early part of the year. I had a couple of ladies that told me I could always use them as a referral based on our time together and the positive reviews that I left them.

I had an opportunity to see a lady and she wanted a couple of referrals. I looked at at my list and gave her a couple of the ladies that said they would vouch for me. Within 15 mins I received a text from one of them berating me for using her as a referral because I hadn’t seen her in a couple of years.

What’s the point of saying you will be a referral when you want a positive review to help your standing only to chew me out for asking for the same?

[Guest 051123-1]

What’s the point of saying you will be a referral when you want a positive review to help your standing only to chew me out for asking for the same?

If you are or have been married, or are or have been in a long-term relationship with a woman, you should not be bewildered.

[Rgvrook]

Wow, that was really deep.

[Berry Skyes]

For me, it goes like this:

If I’ve seen him, numerous times, have established good rapport, he’s been a gentleman, he’s never pulled any weird bullshit or shorted me etc, he’ll get a good referral indefinitely. HOWEVER I will let the lady know it’s been X amount of time since I’ve see him if it’s been over 6 months so she can decide if that fits HER comfort parameters or not. Bada Bing.

To answer your question, some guys behave themselves for years then get squirrelly and act a fool with someone new. That’s probably why you got read the riot act OP- past experiences can be a real beotch and smack down the innocent on occasion. Hobby on.

[Guest 051123-1]

If I’ve seen him, numerous times, have established good rapport, he’s been a gentleman, he’s never pulled any weird bullshit or shorted me etc, he’ll get a good referral indefinitely.

Good on ya. I have spoken with many many ladies who have expressed their frustration at getting no response from other ladies about referrals. Guys, when you ask a lady for a referral, you should also confirm that she will respond to referral requests. It’s easy for a lot of girls to say, “Yeah, sure, baby. No problem,” just to end the conversation and get you out the door.

[CasualMNUFan]

For me, it goes like this:

If I’ve seen him, numerous times, have established good rapport, he’s been a gentleman, he’s never pulled any weird bullshit or shorted me etc, he’ll get a good referral indefinitely. HOWEVER I will let the lady know it’s been X amount of time since I’ve see him if it’s been over 6 months so she can decide if that fits HER comfort parameters or not. Bada Bing.

To answer your question, some guys behave themselves for years then get squirrelly and act a fool with someone new. That’s probably why you got read the riot act OP- past experiences can be a real beotch and smack down the innocent on occasion. Hobby on.

That’s totally fair. But would you the text said gentlemen who had seen you numerous times, had left you multiple positive review, and chew his ass out on text? Seemed odd to me.

[donghead]

Etiquette is about as common as common sense. Not sure how that is a surprise.

[Berry Skyes]

That’s totally fair. But would you the text said gentlemen who had seen you numerous times, had left you multiple positive review, and chew his ass out on text? Seemed odd to me.

I definitely would not do that, but everyone is different I guess.

I don’t screen with references at ALL- there are just too many ways it can and does go wrong. I’m happy to provide them to those who screen that way but for me personally, it’s an outdated and deeply flawed method that presents problems rather than practicalities.

[ttmax]

Hmmmm? I never had a problem and if I did just get over it. I have seen many ladies and treated them like a gentleman should. If anyone asks for a referral I just give the name of the ladies ( usually no more then two or three, just the names, no other info!) I have visited. If its not got enough for them, well its their poragative if they wish to see me! They have a "vagina " and I respect their decision! ( I can't remember if I have visited Berry Skyes when she was just a newbie, but I been wanting too).

[BlueChile]

My suggestion is to see your established list of previous companions, reconnect and Bada Bing your referrals are up to date!
Good Luck!

[Beldam]

One of the downfalls of the system I've seen about 10, asked them all to pm and I'm still not verified and not sure what to do about it, besides move on.

[Birdieman]

OP, just let it go. It’s the hobby. You win some you lose some. Hope you were able to see the lady you intended.

[Berry Skyes]

I can't remember if I have visited Berry Skyes when she was just a newbie, but I been wanting too).

Yes TT, I saw you once in 2016- you started a thread in the Eccie men’s lounge saying lovely things about me but then succumbed to “peer pressure” and ended the thread saying I had a face only a mother could love. ;-) Suffice to say, I’m not interested.

[Ivy de la Courte]

It definitely varies per lady but here are some things that I think make the referral experience more amicable for everyone.

1. Ask the lady you are wanting to use as a referral BEFORE you do. The same way you would for a job interview, you wouldn't want to blindside someone who you want to put in a good word for you, would you? While it's not the same as getting a job, some girls do consider references an important step for safety so making sure your referrals come through can be important. It also gives the person you've already seen a heads up which can speed up the process since they're looking for a message. Not hearing back from references in a timely manner can be a big problem with this screening method.

2. Do not give out private contact information. Ask your reference their preferred way to have other ladies contact them. Some people don't have a public phone number and you have it because they screened you and saw you as a client. Respect that you shouldn't hand that out to other people without their permission.

3. Don't use references that you haven't seen in the past six months without clarifying why that amount of time has passed. If I saw someone once and let them know it was great and I'd see them again, I'm happy to be used as a reference. But if I saw someone once two years ago I'm not going to vouch for them. I also clarify when I'm asking for references that I'm looking for RECENT references. This is my personal preference and some people won't care about the length of time so take this advice with a grain of salt. My reasoning is that people can change over time, some people give references based on memory so recent is always better (and if you could have served jail time for something serious since I last saw you, I probably shoudn't be considered a reliable reference lol). If you have a specific reason why you have old references like you haven't been seeing people because of covid, you got into a relationship, saw people but they had no review policies, you moved and have been getting settled into a new place, etc, that's okay but it's something I would like to know for context. This is a rule I have exceptions for though, especially if it is someone I've seen often and regularly but maybe just not recently. I am much less likely to make an exception for someone who booked one appointment years ago and now only hits me up for references.

Finally, just be respectful of your reference's time. It can be disheartening to have your phone blowing up and instead of bookings, it's guys wanting your help to see other girls. I'm all about spreading the wealth and keeping everyone safe, but if I saw someone once and they want to use my good word to see 10, 20, 50 other people but don't rebook, I'm now putting in a significant amount of time and effort to help them. Some girls have specific rules to prevent this: 3 vouches for every 1 appointment, 1 in between each appointment, they can only be used as a reference for a certain number of months after a session, etc. If you're using someone as a reference, maybe ask if they have a policy like this.

I mention these points because while they seem obvious to me, I've learned from experience that they are not to everyone. Like I said every lady works differently and has different expectations but I think these are good rules even if your reference doesn't personally require it. I'm not getting into the validity of references as a screening method or personal motives that could affect references, I just wanted to give some pointers on how to help it go smoothly if you've had a solid session and are in good standing with someone and someone else you want to see asks for references.

I would say regarding your specific situation that I would have let the lady who was screening you know why your references were old and most importantly, asked the other ladies first if they were okay with being used as references since it had been some time. If they said you could always use them as a reference and then they weren't okay with that, obviously there was some miscommunication but checking in first would have helped clarify that for all parties. If you're saying they said a reference would be given in exchange for a good review, I think you should take it up with those specific ladies. Although I think if a referral had been asked for the week after your appointment and a review hadn't been written for two years it would be a problem the other way too.

I hope this was helpful to someone. Stay safe out there!

[Italia]

For me, it goes like this:

If I’ve seen him, numerous times, have established good rapport, he’s been a gentleman, he’s never pulled any weird bullshit or shorted me etc, he’ll get a good referral indefinitely. HOWEVER I will let the lady know it’s been X amount of time since I’ve see him if it’s been over 6 months so she can decide if that fits HER comfort parameters or not. Bada Bing.

To answer your question, some guys behave themselves for years then get squirrelly and act a fool with someone new. That’s probably why you got read the riot act OP- past experiences can be a real beotch and smack down the innocent on occasion. Hobby on.

+1

I definitely would not do that, but everyone is different I guess.

I don’t screen with references at ALL- there are just too many ways it can and does go wrong. I’m happy to provide them to those who screen that way but for me personally, it’s an outdated and deeply flawed method that presents problems rather than practicalities.

+1

Yes TT, I saw you once in 2016- you started a thread in the Eccie men’s lounge saying lovely things about me but then succumbed to “peer pressure” and ended the thread saying I had a face only a mother could love. ;-) Suffice to say, I’m not interested.

bwahahahahaha


I freaking love ya gal!!

OP; I do not accept or provide a reference to anyone I haven't played with in over 6 months and if someone does use the name as a reference I inform the
lady I haven't seen him in X amount of time so his attitude may have changed.

Play safe, healthy and updated