How to politely saw no.. advice? Would really like input from providers

[Zero1.00one]

Hey so I’m mostly new to the hobby. so I guess I may still have unrealistic expectations. A little bit of back ground. I’m 30, fit, with a decent job. I’ve never had any issues dating and have been told I’m easy on the eyes. That being said, I’m really picky. it’s just the excitement of the hobby and the efficiency of it all. Anyways, I’m also overly nice and polite and I keep finding myself in situations where the person is NOT what they promoted themselves to be. I’m relunctanr to use the term cat-fish as it’s. It really dating. But more often than not this has led to several instances of 4$$+ less than memorable experiences. Is there a way that’s accept to back out or say no. I feel bad bc of all the effort that it’s taken to get to the door and it’s time that was scheduled. Help! I’m 1 for 12 (+ some ive blocked from memory I’m sure).


Let’s get this outta the way with me saying I know I’m a shallow asshole. But c’mon .. am I wrong?

[Black5uperman]

I think your shit out of luck here. There have been several times I get to a providers place and see what it looks like in person and I would have turned the lady down in real life and now im paying for it because if I leave I would be labeled a bad guy.

Happens more often than not to be honest. Repeat visit for the gems found. Seriously waiting on Selina to return she is so fucking hot.

In my option I think the only think you can do that would be acceptable is asking if they would offer you a donation amount for meeting at the door if you dont like what you see moving on but that way your not out a full donation and she isn't out for her time of meeting with you. Doubt many would really be up for it but asking might work.

I wonder how many guys reply to info stating that there are fit tall etc etc then a troll shows up at the ladies house.

[DocHoliday]

If you show up and the pics were fake, misleading or dated, walk away! Don’t support that kind of scam. It’s your money, spend it wisely. Feel free to say, “sorry, I’m at the wrong place.” If she persists, say “I was here to see this lady (show her the pic she sent you) but this doesn’t look like you. Have a nice day” Don’t reward scammers by staying!

[Black5uperman]

If you show up and the pics were fake, misleading or dated, walk away! Don’t support that kind of scam. It’s your money, spend it wisely. Feel free to say, “sorry, I’m at the wrong place.” If she persists, say “I was here to see this lady (show her the pic she sent you) but this doesn’t look like you. Have a nice day” Don’t reward scammers by staying!

If its a flat out different person that's one thing but if it's just good angles in pictures and a established provider. Would you say the same.

I'm curious about this also. Im still young in this like 10 years or so and its been more regret than wins with providers. Reason for few return visits

[Eightpack212]

Happy Monday Zero1.00one - excellent thread topic here. This one hits a little close to home for me as well.

Feel free to say, “sorry, I’m at the wrong place.” If she persists, say “I was here to see this lady (show her the pic she sent you) but this doesn’t look like you. Have a nice day” Don’t reward scammers by staying!

To Black5uperman's point, in terms of how to handle the situation if the provider was a clear catfish, I like exactly what Doc says here in his post. But I wouldn't say this to an "ESTABLISHED PROVIDER" though. Wouldn't be any need to, because if she is established she's most likely going to have some reviews, and hobbyist's who write reviews with integrity always include if her in-person looks resemble the ones from her ad(s)/profile (which is always greatly appreciated).

---
But walking out on providers, whose in-person looks doesn't even at least 50% (50% is just my personal bar, as a hobbyist of course you might/will have yours) match-up to what she looks like in her actual ads, in my opinion is a VERY VERY hard thing to do for me. I'm a bit of a nice, relaxed-laid back guy by nature, so I worry about how that provider (just a human in general) would feel getting denied by someone because of their looks.

I really wish I could muster up the courage (balls) to look a provider (whose in-person looks doesn't even at least 50% match-up to what she looks like in her actual ads) in her eyes and say as polite as I could (at her incall) "I am not interested anymore because of how you highlight/depict yourself in your ad(s), doesn't even 50% correlate to how you look right now in person."

But Instead,

Internally, I'm always like "f*** it. I'm already here and I'm horny (I know stop thinking with little head), I minus well go through with the appointment :( :(", I mean yea I'm glad I got a chance to relieve some stress, but on the ride back home I'm like "Damn I honestly, wish I would have just walked out".

I just wish we could slow down time, because it all happens so fast. You knock on her door, she opens, you walk in, small talk starts. And once you take that glance at her and you notice an immediate drop off in the looks department, the social pressure is too strong/tense (at least in my mind) to even say how you really feel.

But thanks for taking the time to share your hobby experience with us which lead to you creating this thread. I am also, looking forward to the posts that will come from the others in the hobby community.

[Texson]

Maybe try giving them your rates before things start?

[Birdieman]

To the OP, just politely say no thanks and walk away. If you want to help ease your mind, hand her some money for her time.
If you find yourself doing this all the time or more times than not then maybe pump the breaks on the hobby. Research more on the lady or just give the hobby a break.

I found myself with standards too high. Lady after lady I saw was just not what I had in mind. For a while there I was going through with it just because, but I got older and said screw it. I’d politely say I can’t do this, hand some money and walk away. I’d have it where some of the money would be in one pocket and the majority in the other so I could quickly make the decision, reach in the right pocket and say, I’m sorry. Gotta go. It might not have been right but I tell you what, not one lady I did this to ever give that money back.

Quit putting the pressure on yourself to go through with something you don’t want to do. If you end up in some “powder room” as the topic of conversation so be it.

[IBackdoor20]

I'd have no problem telling them its not gonna work for me. You really see this with Transexuals, horribly sad.
I've also walked when their place is dirty, if its unkept then the odds are so are they.

[Eightpack212]

To the OP, just politely say no thanks and walk away. If you want to help ease your mind, hand her some money for her time.

but I got older and said screw it. I’d politely say I can’t do this, hand some money and walk away. I’d have it where some of the money would be in one pocket and the majority in the other so I could quickly make the decision, reach in the right pocket and say, I’m sorry. Gotta go. It might not have been right but I tell you what, not one lady I did this to ever give that money back.

Respectfully Birdieman (seriously out of pure respect, not trolling here)->No-No-No-And No! Why are you giving her a piece of your hard earned dollars for walking through her doors, and taking up 2-3 minutes of her time, upon you making the realization that there is a CLEAR dropoff in the looks department between the ads she posts compared to how she looks right then and there in-person.

To help ease your mind, and calm your nerves in the moment?-> Yes, I'm all for doing that to satisfy my mind/comfortability in the moment.

But just doing it as a "common courtesy" or as a polite way to say "sorry it's not going to work"->, BECAUSE you (she) didn't/couldn't keep up her end of the bargain and come to the table looking at least 50% (at least!) close to how SHE presents HERSELF on HER ads/profile??- Again, No-No-No-And No!

HOW WILL SHE LEARN TO CONDUCT HER BUSINESS WITH 100% (or at least come close to 100%) INTEGRITY (I know it's not our job to teach providers this, but those who don't listen must feel, they'll catch on by numerous missed opportunities, and if they don't, we'll I honest feel bad for the guys (MYSELF INCLUDED) that have to go through that time and time again)

And I know, I have no room to speak because like I said, I don't (currently/never have in my 4 years of being in the hobby) the courage (balls) to walk out on a provider whose in-person looks doesn't even at least 50% match-up to what she looks like in her actual ads. But if/when I do grow the courage (balls) to do so when coming across these kind of providers, I definitely will not be giving any money (unless, she threatens me/makes me feel uncomfortable by force). As true and honest hobbyists - We work hard for our money, groom ourselves to the best of our ability (as we normally should), come to the incall with the full donation (as we should), come with the right mindset (not to play games or waste time), and take the time and make a honest effort to show up for our appointments on time, and she cannot/chooses not to meet us half way by disrespecting us coming to the table NOT AS ADVERTISED???->Not fair at all. Totally not fair at all.

*And my post isn't towards the providers that have in their reviews from hobbyist's saying "Needs to update her pics/ Looks nothing like her pics" This is dedicated to the ones we take the risk of meeting (granted I know we take the risk) that have little to no reviews, but we can confirm they are actually real (by what ever verification method we choose to put them through, if any), but just so happens when we get to their incall, they do not HOLD UP THEIR END OF THE BARGAIN, by at least looking 50% close to how they highlight/depict themselves in their ads.*

[RustyBalls]

Research is your friend and once you get "verified" status, research in the ML will prove valuable.

In many years of hobby experience, the only times I have been disappointed was when I failed to due proper research and due diligence. One time I fell for some very hot pictures of a lady who used to do porn and advertised herself as a petite MILF to match the pictures. Upon arrival, I found a 5' & 175lb petite MILF who was as wide as she was tall and she didn't look at all like she was the one in the pictures posted on her profile or in her gallery. They were all 10-year old pics from before... I just said there must be some mistake and walked away from the hotel door.

Don't be the guy who goes out of his way to cause providers issues when this happens. I'm still looking for the guy who used to keep a bathroom scale in his backpack to verify provider weights when he felt that he had been cat-fished. But he is long gone...

Truth in advertising is a plus as there are many types of guys who love all types of providers. We all like different things and honesty is the best way to find successful matchups.

[Wolfenstein4096]

To the OP, just politely say no thanks and walk away. If you want to help ease your mind, hand her some money for her time.
If you find yourself doing this all the time or more times than not then maybe pump the breaks on the hobby. Research more on the lady or just give the hobby a break.

I found myself with standards too high. Lady after lady I saw was just not what I had in mind. For a while there I was going through with it just because, but I got older and said screw it. I’d politely say I can’t do this, hand some money and walk away. I’d have it where some of the money would be in one pocket and the majority in the other so I could quickly make the decision, reach in the right pocket and say, I’m sorry. Gotta go. It might not have been right but I tell you what, not one lady I did this to ever give that money back.

Quit putting the pressure on yourself to go through with something you don’t want to do. If you end up in some “powder room” as the topic of conversation so be it.

This is good advice. Pony up a cancellation fee (unless you've been REALLY deceived; in that case, just leave) and politely bow out. And it's not always a looks thing; sometimes there are unexpected issues with personality or presentation that are evident right off the bat. I've made the mistake of going through with a session even though I knew a woman wasn't what I was looking for, so I'll try to remember these recommendations in the future.

[3daygetaway]

9 times outta 10, the evidence was always there: we just chose not to see it. I’m talking about the pic of her that looked okay at first glance but afterwards you notice the mattress on the floor in the background, the acne you thought was digital pixelation, the flabby tummy you made yourself believe was a shadow, or the selective angle that takes advantage of forced perspective.

But the important part of these observations is our imagination: WE fill in the blanks with whatever we want to believe. Voices are a great example—I almost always get the girls’ voices (pitch, tone, rate, etc) wrong. There are ways to prescreen though. Next time, ask her to Snap or video chat with you for one minute to see and hear her, and see her place. We shouldn’t ever take advantage of a lady’s time and privacy, but if you’ve gone through her screening process, it’s reasonable to ask for the same. If you are a qualified buyer, it benefits both parties to see each other beforehand.

[Birdieman]

9 times outta 10, the evidence was always there: we just chose not to see it. I’m talking about the pic of her that looked okay at first glance but afterwards you notice the mattress on the floor in the background, the acne you thought was digital pixelation, the flabby tummy you made yourself believe was a shadow, or the selective angle that takes advantage of forced perspective.

But the important part of these observations is our imagination: WE fill in the blanks with whatever we want to believe. Voices are a great example—I almost always get the girls’ voices (pitch, tone, rate, etc) wrong. There are ways to prescreen though. Next time, ask her to Snap or video chat with you for one minute to see and hear her, and see her place. We shouldn’t ever take advantage of a lady’s time and privacy, but if you’ve gone through her screening process, it’s reasonable to ask for the same. If you are a qualified buyer, it benefits both parties to see each other beforehand.

How about the pics with dirty feet. Nice bend over pic but dirty feet. Ha! I saw one today that was sitting on the toilet (lid closed) but i still got a kick out of it. Oh so sexy!

[Txstar]

I'd be curious to hear what a lady or two had to say on this topic?

[RustyBalls]

My favorite way to avoid bad encounters is to look for pictures that show a provider posing in front of bathroom mirror with an unflushed turd floating over in the toilet bowl.

You just can't make this shit up! Eccie thread from way back highlighted this gal.