Hey y'all, maybe some of y'all will understand this and some of y'all won't

I lost my virginity to a provider when I was a nerdy kid in highschool that couldn't muster a sentence to a woman.

I've grown and developed past that but I can't stop seeing providers. I'm in a loving, multi-year relationship (which is open so fortunately I'm not hurting her by doing this), but I don't like the relationship with sex that I've developed, you know?

I've tried therapy, I've tried distracting myself with other things but nothing seems to work and I keep coming back to this. It's not a hobby I can afford, my credit card debt is getting pretty bad. I'm pretty sure it counts as a sex addiction.

I need help to quit. I support sex workers and this industry in general but it's turning out awful for my mental health and my wallet and I fear nothing more than it somehow leading to me losing my future wife.

Sorry to unload on y'all.