Is a apathetic heart required to survive in the hobby?

[risn2theoccasion2]

I read a comment today that prompted this question in my mind. The Hobby can be hard to navigate through. Do to the nature of what we do, it can bring together a menagerie of individuals, personalities and emotions. Many of us are here because we want to be. Some of us are here because we have no choice but to be here. It is easy for conflict to present itself among our ranks resulting in extreme emotional responses. It's easy for people with ulterior motives to take advantage of someone. Sadly, this is something I have experienced myself or observed the from outside looking in. So, is an apathetic heart required to survive in the hobby?

[Kallie Bloomquist]

Caring makes it more fun, even though it absolutely guarantees you will be taken advantage of somewhere down the line. I have never paid in advance, or lent a provider money, but complaints of unrewarded paid-in-advance seems to show up on this board about once a week.

[Punky BrewsterXXX]

I like to live by this motto: If you make all your decisions based off how you truely feel, then you will never have any regrets in life.

[DocHoliday]

Gentlemen, we are referred to as tricks for a reason and you can read about it on this board all the time.

[Wolfenstein4096]

I read a comment today that prompted this question in my mind. The Hobby can be hard to navigate through. Do to the nature of what we do, it can bring together a menagerie of individuals, personalities and emotions. Many of us are here because we want to be. Some of us are here because we have no choice but to be here. It is easy for conflict to present itself among our ranks resulting in extreme emotional responses. It's easy for people with ulterior motives to take advantage of someone. Sadly, this is something I have experienced myself or observed the from outside looking in. So, is an apathetic heart required to survive in the hobby?

I wouldn't go so far as to say one has to be apathetic (and, really, that's a difficult trick to pull off for us humans, isn't it?), but one does have to be REALLY careful. I'm pretty guarded in the real world, and that trait gets amplified in the hobby, so the alarm in my head gets pretty easily activated. And there's a trust issue in the hobby that may be too difficult to entirely overcome for either the men or women who partake. That tendency to be suspicious or at least on the alert is a defense mechanism, and it's pretty easy to understand why it's there. Even just one bad experience can be an unrelenting teacher.

I don't know that I've gotten to the heart of your question, though. No human being is completely rational all the time; we have emotions and sometimes they spill out even when we're trying our hardest to keep them reigned in. In the real world, when we get stung by someone, we respond (at least in part) emotionally. That's natural; that's human. To expect anything different, even in the often artificial world of the hobby, is perhaps expecting too much.

The way I look at it: I'm going to have some bad experiences in the hobby. I'm going to get stung on occasion. And it takes a lot of trial-and-error and tripping up (at least for me) to learn how to better navigate the hobby waters. BUT, I'll have some great experiences as well, and as long as those positive experiences outnumber the negative ones, the hobby will be an enjoyable pursuit for me.

Usual disclaimer: I don't sleep much these days, so my apologies if none of this makes sense...

[Adonisman]

I do not have empathy for anyone in the hobby. The same I would expect not to have empathy for me. When I was going broke in 2009-2010 during the Recession. I did not come post here crying about my $250k mortgage I could not longer afford. Or begging for a 'Provider Discount'.

When I had to watch both my parents slowly die over years.. Did I come here crying for a discount? No. So I do not care about your personal life problems. We ALL HAVE THEM.

This is not eHarmony or Little Sisters of the Poor Charity. It is a down and dirty business that has some good time and bad times.

Yes, I have fallen prey to being a 'nice guy' when I first got into this and yes I got burned more than once.. So, now as you can see. No more Mr Nice Guy.

I am probably a bitter ole John to say the least....

[austinperv]

I do not have empathy for anyone in the hobby. The same I would expect not to have empathy for me. When I was going broke in 2009-2010 during the Recession. I did not come post here crying about my $250k mortgage I could not longer afford. Or begging for a 'Provider Discount'.

When I had to watch both my parents slowly die over years.. Did I come here crying for a discount? No. So I do not care about your personal life problems. We ALL HAVE THEM.

This is not eHarmony or Little Sisters of the Poor Charity. It is a down and dirty business that has some good time and bad times.

Yes, I have fallen prey to being a 'nice guy' when I first got into this and yes I got burned more than once.. So, now as you can see. No more Mr Nice Guy.

I am probably a bitter ole John to say the least....

Yeah I came here to say similar. "Empathy" in the hobby only really goes one way with women expecting special favors, bonuses, hand outs... etc... but they wouldn't give you a discount unless they really need the money and you wouldn't see her any other way. Several of the women on here will walk all over the men if given half the chance. I even found a "private" group on reddit where sex workers talk about their clients and the things they say are pretty eye opening. I'm pretty sure based on pics that I found a few girls from here on there. I have a few girls I've been seeing for years so them sure but there are a lot of girls on here who are just straight up psychopaths.

I've been away ish for awhile and damn there was stuff like this before but it's so much worse now.

[dodger]

i cannot solve the problems of the world. i cannot solve the problems in the hobby. there are some providers i have "helped out". i do not expect them to repay me but i do expect to repaid in services when it is convenient for both of us. i do not expect to 'break even' and i didn't help out with the assumption that scales will balance out over time (though it would be great if it did).

the fact is, i don't have time to set up appointments very often. so .. i'm willing to accept that worst case, i helped somebody that i appreciate. best case ... i help someone i appreciate ... and down the road ... have some naughty fun provided with gratitude in the attitude. but what i can do in the hobbyverse and the universe is very limited ... and i work within those limits

viva la hobby

[risn2theoccasion2]

Caring makes it more fun, even though it absolutely guarantees you will be taken advantage of somewhere down the line. I have never paid in advance, or lent a provider money, but complaints of unrewarded paid-in-advance seems to show up on this board about once a week.

There are times the hobby can make you feel jaded, but I can’t have a Stoney heart. I don’t front money in advance To anyone, unless I have zero intentions of seeing it returned. Being kind has come back to bite me more than once. I will say I am much more cautious than I used to be.

[Precious_b]

When you come here with just the little head thinking, no.
Brain is the biggest sex organ. So, to disregard it takes alot out of the Hobby experience.
Got to moderate between both heads.

[risn2theoccasion2]

Only 33% would actually care beyond the session. This is actually higher than what I thought it would be. Interesting.

[exoticezra]

Oooo love this. First off, well put. Loved your articulation. Secondly,


from a girl’s POV. And I’m not really talking about anything outside of the date itself or even money really but I wanted to answer anyway.
I believe I am the polar opposite of apathy, I’m very empathetic/empathic. In fact I think my REAL WORLD LIFE would be a bit easier if I was more apathetic vs. here. HOWEVER, I will say, despite my time invested here and me truly being in the present when it’s going on, I feel you must have some sort of ability to compartmentalize...seeing how there is still plenty of taboo stigmatized, this is still considered deviant, bla bla opinions overwhelming us from all points of life. Shit, just sex in general still doesn’t seem to just be “normalized” as the everyday above the surface topic...which I mean sure. Rightfully so At times, I do still believe there’s a time and place for talking about it. Anyway, I soon realized though, I am like that with sex in general. I just tend to compartmentalize by nature. I don’t know why. Even if I have thought about why on many occasions, maybe it’s just how my brain conditioned itself from the beginning. Lost my virginity in my own parents home, had to be a secret. If there was anything done w anyone in HS you were a slut. So more secrecy. College it seemed better and easier, until walks of shames happened and during that point I was already here... another secret. So I have always just had to sort of compartmentalize...but the feelings are there. Always. They just stay dormant until the next time I see them. Now, if it was a bad one, or, I mean just not great or I wish I didn’t say yes to this one situation, then yep... I bury it.

i do not have apathy toward the hobby, I’d probably be a really shitty lay if that were the case, but yes I am capable of putting things away and locking it up and controlling whether or not I want to bring it back out again... in this world. I can in real world too but probably not as well as here, seeing how leaving and a goodbye is to be expected lol. Out there I may accidentally have expectations. Here I don’t. I feel safe and in control here. And I think those feelings directly correlate to your question and my capabilities.

also, I will admit, if it isn’t working out and both parties know, yet that one party still needs to get his lol, I can still do what is asked of me, while simultaneously creating a grocery list in my head. Lmao. Yeeeesss, this is very rare nowadays seeing how at my age now I am more comfortable requesting the same satisfaction in return... there still may be that one occasional time everyone in the room just knows it and checks out a bit and let’s the other do their thing...and I can think about what I’m going to eat after. Any girl says she hasn’t done this here whether it be in or out of the hobby is totally lying. Hahaha.

[exoticezra]

I do not have empathy for anyone in the hobby. The same I would expect not to have empathy for me. When I was going broke in 2009-2010 during the Recession. I did not come post here crying about my $250k mortgage I could not longer afford. Or begging for a 'Provider Discount'.

When I had to watch both my parents slowly die over years.. Did I come here crying for a discount? No. So I do not care about your personal life problems. We ALL HAVE THEM.

This is not eHarmony or Little Sisters of the Poor Charity. It is a down and dirty business that has some good time and bad times.

Yes, I have fallen prey to being a 'nice guy' when I first got into this and yes I got burned more than once.. So, now as you can see. No more Mr Nice Guy.

I am probably a bitter ole John to say the least....

Well, but many guys do though. We all have messages with stories attached to requests for discounts handouts more of this or that for 15 mins only etc...

they way many of you view us, we get the very same thing. It’s too bad more don’t think and feel like you do.

I have had many clients that’s have come to me and asked me to read between the lines w them and their sugar baby...ezra am I being taken advantage of? My answer was mostly yes. They would then call me when another problem or ask arose and I would say...don’t do it. You will regret it.

SO I can see this perspective clearly. Still, many of us get the same exact shit just asking for more holes, more acrobatic positions, more requests for lines being crossed... the way you say ladies become desensitized with doing very little for trying to get much more... is the way we see some guys become desensitized from so much porn, and ask for everything for pennies. So if we are only talking about transaction and not even the date part, yes you’re right, girls do have to practice “apathy”. I want to find a better word for it because it’s not just absolutely being careless and saying no, it’s just more about a ladies boundaries and comfort zone... I have close friends from here that I would give the world to them then say goodbye til next time but it took time and respect first.


but yes you’re right, I did have to wise up in the early stages when I had a very close friend here who asked to make a deal w me, he would see me quite a few times, save the money for me since I was like 20 and had zero self discipline, and I agreed. (Thinking, I’ve seen him for 3 years I have met his family I go to his home every month I know where he works yada yada, he couldn’t POSSIBLY screw me over). At about a grand in, this was also around 2009 when everyone’s rates were very low and everyone struggled...but him, it came time to ask for the full amount and he said he didn’t have it. He sat on my bed in my home and just said yea here’s the thing I thought I was gonna get this check but it didn’t happen bla bla It left me feeling stupid and well, without my f*cking money. Lol

So it’s happened to us too. Especially those w more empathy and naivety. And no for the record, the guy never gave me a single thing I didn’t earn on my own. I’m lying he cooked for me sometimes. No gifts. Not even extra tipping or anything of that nature.

we’ve seen it also.

[exoticezra]

Sorry for all of the typos. I don’t want to go back and correct, but my nails are a bit longer than usual and it’s really getting in the way and on my nerves. Apologies.

[Wolfenstein4096]

Sorry for all of the typos. I don’t want to go back and correct, but my nails are a bit longer than usual and it’s really getting in the way and on my nerves. Apologies.

You've expressed your thoughts really well in these posts. Very impressive. It's always good to get the provider perspective on things, so what you've said is much appreciated. Also, I appreciate your use of the subjunctive mood.