I caught feelings

[JessieJane]

Op don't mind the assistant pimps around here lol... I mean non staff members who voice their opinions as if they are staff ... you will get used to it. They should have a newbie warning for that!

On another note... I found your post interesting for sure and a good read. Its always interesting to see gents different view of ladies and situations.

Thank you for being so open and posting!
JJ

[Nascobar21]

Interesting

[JessieJane]

Definitely interesting

[Greented]

^^ Yep. I allow myself to feel my feels for nearly all my Gents during session. And then I revel in those feelings for a few minutes after they leave.

But then those feels fade as I go about the menial tasks of cleaning my incall space and checking my texts and emails. lol

That really IS a big difference between the client and the provider: Guys are often still basking in the intense afterglow of a great session for 24-48 hours afterward. Whereas the ladies, by necessity, have to clear headspace relatively quickly to prepare for the next client. That's perhaps my favorite thing about a provider's lifestyle--she really has no time to focus on the past, but always looks to the future.

ps--Wait a minute... you don't start checking your texts ten minutes before the client's hour is up and he hasn't even got dressed, yet? Whaaaat?

[i_land_her]

OP we can sit here all day and tell you it's a bad idea to fall for a provider, or to have a provider fall for a client. However at the end of the day we are humans and sometimes dispite good intentions out emotions and heart takes over and we lose site of the reality of the situation. I can't blame you at all. I have met some great ladies in the hobby over the past 15 plus years, and have been lucky enough to separate my feelings from the business aspect of it. On the other hand I have had several arrangements with civilian ladies and found myself thinking about them way to much. At that point I always shut it down because I dont want to lose control. She might be doing the same thing. I agree with one of the responses that at least she was decent enough to block you. Most ladies would milk it for all they can.

You will find another ATF, because after all thy is what she was to you. There are lots of beautiful ladies on here... Both on the outside and inside. Find another one and accept it for what it is, however don't let it stop you from cometely enjoying yourself and the experience. Good luck bud!

[randomgetdown]

Hey everyone,

I'd like to say thank you for all the messages, responses, in private and through this thread It has been enlightening to say the least and it is certainly a good sign of a healthy/great community. I guess my whole intention of starting this thread is to further explore and open the conversation about being caught up in emotions/feelings in regards to the hobby, and the human experiences that goes into it. I am so grateful to read all the perspectives, it really is awesome.

To add further context and discussion points.

The entire interaction lasted maybe 2 1/2 - 3 months with regular txting/msging, i could provide how many hours booked but I don't know if that's relevant. This is just to say I was fairly invested (also from when I first started messaging her I explicitly mentioned I was a newbie but I wanted to be a regular with her, I never expected for this to happen I just became more and more fond/attached to her as time went by)

I understand that as far as the hobby goes anything and everything that's done should be up to the providers sole discretion, and for me as a client I can only voice my wants, desires, feelings, and that these are requests not demands.

Bringing the conversation back to my own experience, in retrospect I understand that by expressing my feelings/emotions how it could come across as me wanting free/extra time and how disruptive that could be to her life and business (especially if she is prioritizing me or giving me different rates) and it's addressing the emotions or feelings early on without causing additional problems that can be so difficult. (additional insight from more women and their perspectives on this would be greatly appreciated)

By being upfront, speaking honestly, and candidly I really did hope to continue some kind of on going interaction and when I was cut off it did hurt, and it was possibly with the best intentions for me, but I would have greatly appreciated being told (even through txt/msg after the fact) versus being unable to discuss or have some kind of feeling of closure. (Also I understand that her safety and well being is the most important thing and I can't take it personally no matter how vulnerable I may have felt)

I know my feelings for her won't ever change but I can change my behavior

(I do want to message her to book with her again but she blocked me on one channel so I think I'll be in search of a new ATF, unless all hell freezes over and she messages me... cause, then yeah I'm going back)

Everyone has emotions, everyone is different, and everyone handles everything differently. Doing my best not to take it personally, there is no bad person in this, it's just what it is.

In the end the entire experience for me was fulfilling physically/sexually, emotionally, and mentally. It definitely makes me think of writing a book or movie script (Would anyone watch/read it?)
(The lust, love, pain was all so addicting. I'll look back think fondly and I will smile.)

[Mitth'raw'nuruodo]

This is good advice.

Very well stated and good advice.

From a woman's perspective....


Telling you in the moment that it would never happen that she would stop seeing you.....yes, that turned out to be a lie. But something men will never understand is the fact that we (females in general) are constantly having to consider our personal safety when in the presence of a man. Especially when we are alone with a man that we have not known for very long.
Manipulation? Meh....I'd say (possibly) she said what she felt she needed to in the moment to guarantee a safe exit.

Then there is always the possibility that she meant that in the moment but then, after thinking about it a while, realized that it would be wrong to string you along if she did not feel the same. Or how bad for her own business it could be if she did feel the same.

This is a business. But it is a very personal and intimate service. We are all human beings with human feelings. I've never consciously chosen to catch feelings. Not sure that's really possible. But it is within your choice to realize that, in this hobby, if you catch feelings........it is not likely to end well.

Another possibility is she may have gotten suspicious that you were hinting that you wanted to see her without compensating for her time. We tend to have that in the back of our minds whenever a client begins to talk about "relationship" stuff and deeper feelings.

I have fallen for clients a few times over the years. Struggling with a situation right now as a matter of fact. lol

I know that it will end in pain for me. But I also know that I will get over it. ;-P Been there, done that and I survived. I will again.

So will you OP. Good advice above......do your best to move on and get over it.

[enderwiggin]

OP, you seem like a thoughtful dude, which is rare in the hobby. Speaking from experience as someone who caught feelings for and married a provider, this may not be the hobby for you. You got off easy compared to the 5 years, 2 houses, countless therapy bills and god-knows-how-many anxiety and stress-filled days I got. As has already been mentioned, she could have done much worse by you.

If you want to stay at this thing of ours, limit your communications. Most providers keep it about business anyway, but a few will be friendly and chatty because it costs them nothing to send flirty texts.

[someguy12]

It matters not if I did or didn’t. Members are joining here everyday. Newbies need to know what I’m talking about. If you have read it before, move along. Most of what I post on this site is directed to the newbies for their benefit. If you disagree with me, let the newbies know what you think.

No, disagreement here. I’m just saying every time you post advice FOR THE MOMENT of a situation. It seems to come up again....IT WAS A JOKE TO PUT IT IN YOUR SIGNATURE LINE.

I get it.... for the newbies!

[Anna Nikkole]

I chatt about life and if I feel comfortable about personal stuff. I love making friends out of the gents I meet. Some of us don't like to feel like we are having sex with complete strangers so the chitt chatt and getting a bit personal is who I am. And I have been asked out, felt connections along the way.

We are humans, and like Krystal says, we are able to train our brain to move on to get other things done. It's easy for us to retract because we do it so often. I can't make you understand from our side, especially mine because I do love talking about personal things, getting to know who I'm about to make love to. And maybe it isn't fair, a escorts brain is many times different. Not saying we won't, don't or haven't felt that spark. I know for myself I may think about a particular client for a day or 2. But I do take myself to that personal place with rubbing, touching, kissing and talking about real stuff.

We may never know the real reason. I personally wouldn't feel comfortable if someone felt so strongly for me, and I couldn't return the feelings.

Don't be hard on yourself for being human or being vulnerable. Good luck

[JuggHead]

+1 on what Tyboy said.
You aren't the first or last this has happened to. Just consider yourself lucky she blocked you. There are some that would have milked every dime they could from you.

Best advice
My current ATF has me wrapped around her finger & she knows it! She already finagled my Netflix password out of me & I'm worried what she'll want next, my Disney+ password ??

[tbone2u]

Where is FastGunn?

[bcglx]

The worst kind of disease...STF's sexually transmitted feelings

[TinMan]

OP, did this happen to you because you really were looking for another relationship, maybe without realizing it? The fact you fell for the 2nd provider you’ve seen since entering the hobby makes me ask that question.

It’s ok if you answer in the affirmative, but if that’s the case I have to agree with Doc...maybe the hobby ain’t for you.

[randomgetdown]

OP, did this happen to you because you really were looking for another relationship, maybe without realizing it? The fact you fell for the 2nd provider you’ve seen since entering the hobby makes me ask that question.

It’s ok if you answer in the affirmative, but if that’s the case I have to agree with Doc...maybe the hobby ain’t for you.

Fair question.

To answer it shortly no, I wasn't looking for another relationship. (Also from a good friend of mine after hearing I got divorced his words were I needed to Ho out)

Some additional context into my life, I've actually seen providers way in the past (only 5 in total, I had one ATF who I did repeat with several times, however my relationship and experience with her was completely different. It was good but pales in comparison with the chemistry, attraction, intimacy that I felt with provider A)

Although yes I do get what Doc is saying "that maybe the hobby ain't for you" is one paradigm in thought and I respect that (strictly business no room for expressing feelings or emotion otherwise you are likely to be hurt)

However the above being said, I would like to bring up Krystal's point of this being a business involving an intimate and personal aspect of human interaction
(there were several responses saying something along the lines that despite all efforts and good intentions we're all still human prone to falling for one another)


The way I see it, Client provider relationships are something akin to therapy. The Provider providing time and whatever else she feels comfortable providing to the Client seeking some sort of satisfaction/resolution/comfort/relief. (It may even be compared to any other work requiring compassion/time from a contractor)

Another profession similar to this is sex surrogacy where clients with issues concerning intimacy/sex whether that be due to trauma, mental health issues, etc work with both a therapist and sex surrogate (sometimes having sex in the process) to over come barriers in their mental state or help them achieve whatever goals they may have.

My point with stating the above is that in this hobby you can have many approaches, in my case I felt something, decided to shoot my shot, and it didn't end well. Simply put I started this thread to express myself and share some insight and also read/learn from other people's insights/experiences.

Some being Don't ever fall for the other person (less vulnerability/ less pain)

For others being it's okay to continue business relations and even be friends with the premise of no emotional attachment and if that happens cut it off or address it

For myself, I'm glad I was completely honest cause in the end you can't win the lotto if you don't play the game (life can be too short and unpredictable not to roll the dice sometimes)
If I could do it again I'd probably do some things different but I would have still gone for it.

I'm also a super paranoid person by nature and I think a lot so it wasn't completely on a whim that I expressed to her how I felt. I genuinely believed I knew her on a personal level and that she was good and that she wouldn't take advantage of me. You could say I was being a romantic, an optimist or idealist but that is what I felt. Though I could have been completely wrong and delusional but I'll never truly know.)

The only dissatisfaction I could have done without is being blocked/ghosted this part hurt emotionally/mentally, being unable to have a sense of closure, being lied to, and not knowing if I could have improved or rectified the situation also it made me feel like garbage lol.
(but I have come to accept this and moved on, it was the safest/easiest for her emotionally and without having to deal with confrontation, and I can understand that I know I wasn't the best throughout the whole episode either)

I won't let this time ruin my overall experience, and I'll continue along enjoying the journey in this hobby. Maybe being a little bit more guarded with myself, and a little less forthcoming with my emotions, but still continue to be honest and true to what I am feeling in the moment to some extent. If I catch feels, I catch feels, and I'll talk about it. It's all part of human experience.

Lastly this has been a cathartic experience unraveling myself within a community, reading responses, taking serious time to evaluate my own feelings accept them and move forward.

For that, again, I am very grateful for each and every one of you.

Hopefully for anyone else reading this it will help them get through whatever similar experience they may have had or are having.