lol funnyness........

[DallasRain]

An Eskimo takes his snowmobile in to the shop. The mechanic checks it out and says, "Looks like you blew a seal."

The Eskimo says, "No, that's just frost on my mustache."
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Duane rents an apartment in New York, and goes to the lobby to put his name on the group mailbox. While he was there, an attractive young lady comes out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe. Duane smiles at the young girl and she strikes up a conversation with him. As they talk, her robe slips open, and it's quite obvious that she has nothing under the robe. Poor Duane breaks out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she places her hand on his arm and says, "Let's go in my apartment, I hear someone coming..."

He proceeds with her into the apartment, and after she closes the door, she leans against it allowing her robe to fall off completely. Being completely nude, she purrs at him, "What would you say is my best feature?"

The flustered, embarrassed Duane stammers, clears his throat several times, and finally squeaks out, "Oh, it's got to be your ears!"

She's astounded! "Why my ears? Look at these breasts! They are full, don't sag, and they're 100% natural! My buns - they are firm and do not sag, and have no cellulite! Look at this skin, no blemishes or scars! Why in heaven's name would you say my ears are the best part of my body?!"

Clearing his throat once again, Duane stammers - "Outside when you said you heard someone coming? That was me."

[DallasRain]

I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

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1. A man walks into a bar. Upon sitting down a busty blond waitress pours him a drink and asks if he would like some food. He looks up at the menu above the bar it says:

• Hot dog – $2
• Cheeseburger – $5
• Hand job – $10

He asks the waitress, “Miss are you the one who gives the hand jobs?” She winks and replies, “why yes I am.” He says, “Well wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger.”