I could also rephrase the question and ask why what the female does for living should affect the sexual relationship?Originally Posted by Ben Rhimene
When is her job just a job?
I could also rephrase the question and ask why what the female does for living should affect the sexual relationship?
When is her job just a job?
+1
From an early age, rightly or wrongly, we are taught that monogamy is the "ideal"/preferred structure. Sexual activity outside of that structure puts strains on most people's ability to accept that the relationship is still "real" and that leads to questions of self-worth and the role of each in the relationship. You can see that in the thread by all the comments about what everyone "expects" out of their partner.
To work, the 2 need boundaries which work for them and give them a sense of safety AND value from the relationship, and just as importantly, to ignore what EVERYONE else thinks about their relationship (good, bad, or indifferent).
To some extent all jobs are "just" jobs; they are a means to an end. Hopefully all of us find joy in what we do, at least to some extent. Sex work has an added twist, as described above
So what your saying is that when an escort makes money, you can totally understand that it is a job just like any other such as school teacher and nurse, and you fully expect her to contribute financially to the bottom line, just like any traditional relationship. You expect it to be financially traditional. It's just a job like any other after all.
But when it comes to sexuality, it's not just a job. Now it's different, it's a twist.
So when you want her to financially contribute just like a traditional relationship, it's just a job. But when you want sex on the side, it's not just a job anymore?
So is it just a job, or is it not just a job? Do traditional rules apply or not?
Ben, my personal ideal is if I am long term committed and being uninhibited in the bedroom with a man, he take care of financially providing for us. That’s just me regardless of my job. I understand things have changed and that’s not the status quo now.
In the back of my mind I think that the majority of men are going to step outside of a committed relationship regardless of if his SO is an escort or not. Most likely this is going to cost money in some way.
I’m stoping there bc I’m realizing just how complicated this is and it’s making me dizzy.
I think we’re all here for good reason. Ha! *sigh*
I might charge my battery and come back to this but idk.
Ha ha. Sort of but not really. The point I was trying to make is because sex is involved it complicates things because in traditional relationships sex is connected to emotions and value within a relationship. If EITHER person wants a non-traditional element as part of the relationship they need to be careful about expecting the rest of the relationship to be traditional. Maybe the guy is ok with it "just" being a job, but most guys (or gals with a male escort boyfriend) if they are being honest will think the partner is "getting away" with sexual fun using work as an excuse or cover. And they will expect a quid pro quo, or they will feel taken advantage of in the relationship (even if they believe that is not the escort girlfriend's intent).
My current job is maybe 25% fun while my last one was 40-50% fun. Same type of work but different environment. Very little chance a partner would get insecure where I work now, but the risk was higher at my last job. But in both cases there has been no nudity or sexual intercourse, so imagine what happens once that is part of the dynamic! How much of being an escort is "enjoyable"? Somewhere more than Zero but less than 100%. Writing and posting ads, dealing with creeps, losers, flakes, and timewasters. Buying supplies, scheduling, etc. all strike me as non-fun. But the nice/smart/attractive clients and some good sex, etc must be fun. Whatever your personal percentage for fun is, it is likely more than the average teacher, engineer, lawyer, doctor, accountant has, and it is certainly fun of a different level. That is where the potential for discomfort comes. And that potential for discomfort will be different for each guy, AS WILL the level of discomfort. Maybe this is why you ladies haven't found that dating works so well in the hobby. Perhaps that is why most pornstars date/marry within the industry; it is the easiest way to find a companion who gets what the work is like...
There is no "right" answer, and so you need to be very careful about applying rigid or traditional rules to the relationship. If I dated CVK my level of discomfort will be different than if I date EJL. Our dynamics will be different, and thus each of our expectations will vary, even though both ladies have the same job.
Traditional relationship doesn't exist in any fashion within today's society. People live together & that's not traditional. Dating is supposed to be void of sex in a traditional relationships. Gaslighting is strong when the objective doesn't fit the narrative.
Man wants everything to be about SEX from what I'm reading.
Y'all don't get to use (traditional) as an excuse in this debate. Carry On.
But, traditional is a man working while the woman takes care of the home/children/etc.
Sounds like a great deal.
Ben, I forgot about the idea of dating a male escort. I’ve meet 3
buuuut.... “it didn’t “workout”” hahahahaha
I’m totally still open to it. I even tried to turn one guy out bc he made it seem like that’s what he wanted to do, but I think he thought about it and changed his mind.
Anyway I have a big crush on a pornstar and I kinda wish I could meet him somehow. There should be a dating site (cringe, just no!) for adult entertainers. Maybe I’ll prowl around at the AVN convention next year. It’s been a long time since I attended one.
That is a bit extreme. Have you been to The Woodlands, Katy, or Sugar Land? Lots of married couples with kids and dogs.
Now you are projecting Judeo-Christian norms on us all. For centuries most folk lived together without marital bonds or premarital sex being a "sin."
You'll have to be more specific; I haven't read anything suggesting anybody is crazy or has crazy ideas.
Please re-read my last post. I clearly state that sex is tied to emotions and feeling valued in a relationship, which means it is about more than sex. Or looked another way, it IS about sex between the couples and how that intersects (intersex?) with one (or both) having sex outside the relationship, so in that sense it IS all about sex. And how they choose to deal with it.
I am not aware of anyone using it as an excuse. I have not read of any guy dating a provider and using it as an excuse. I have, however, read about the imbalance as being a factor for hobby dating to be difficult. I have met women in the hobby that I find interesting enough to date, but that imbalance must be addressed, just like any relationship imbalance. Some can ignore an imbalance in one area because there is a different imbalance that they view as offsetting (Anna Nicole Smith and her late old husband come to mind). Not everyone can handle that. You are also assuming every guy wants the trade-off to be the right to hobby. That was brought up and IS the most obvious trade which re-balances the relationship. But what if the guy just wants to play more golf, or one more poker night with the bros? Just because the most extreme re-balance was brought up doesn't mean its the trade everyone would choose.
Plus, as stated above "traditions" change...something we have all dealt with firsthand the last 3 months. The word tradition was meant more to describe certain Western norms than to suggest things are set in stone. Which is why I DO think it can work, but the couple has to work extra hard because it is NOT the norm.
That is also looking at a narrow slice of society and time. Going way back women gathered berries while men hunted. Later on both worked the farm (some still do). The 1950s view of America has been changing since the late 60s as women continued to join the workforce and be wage earners.
But that reinforces one of my points...trying to wedge a relationship like that into current, and certainly dated, cultural norms is only going to make the relationship more difficult to sustain. Mainstream sexwork is contradictory. Until society gets to that point it will be counterculture, and thus exist in the background. Which suggests that relationships involving that need to either be within the counterculture or the couple has to do more extreme things to protect the relationship from the outside.
Most of the talk has been about her or him. That's a bad starting point. To be successful both he and she need to put the relationship above themselves and each other. And THEY need to define that.
That is where trust comes in! Does she come home drunk "or whatever", is she avid about using safety precautions(condoms etc). How she handles herself and her screening.
Now, you shouldn't be all in her business you should know what kind of woman you have, trust her.
My opinion
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Traditional has been used numerous times in this thread to counteract her job description not being the norm as an excuse for the man to fuck around without any accountability.
Goes to show that some men don't take her job seriously as Chloe already expressed.
What part did you not understand Benny?
But it's ok for a Male actor to do sex scenes & he has a monogamous relationship without his wife/gf insulting his job.
Crying out loud, why can't a woman have a family without hanging her job over her head.
Cliffs Notes Post:
This thread is good with some well thought out insightful and informative contributions, but it’s taking a turn for the worst now.
My simple answer is: it doesn't bother me.
I've done it twice (meaning, dated two diff escorts over a period of time). Sex is NOT love or caring. Btw, no I'm not poly nor do I wish to be. Poly comes from polyamorous which means, literally, to "love many/multiple people (romantically)". I do not consider the question posed, or the two escorts I've dated to be poly situations. Why? B/c they are simply doing a job. They are not having sex bc they love or even like the person. So it's totally different in my mind.
I didn't read this thread yet so I'll go back and check it out to see what others have said, but that's my basic answer :)
-MG
FINALLY a man admits that SEX is not love. There is hope. Yay!!!
this is a much more interesting post then i initially thought it would be. So, i will put in my two cent if i may. I believe that every relationship, men and women is different so i don't think there is a universal truth here about escort dating some will be for it and some against and some maybe like the idea but cannot commit in reality. Personally, its about knowing what you want and what your partner want and compromising between both of you. Now, i haven't read the entire thread but i read a couple pages and it seems that many of you focus a relationship on sex rather than emotional attachment to each other and thinking about the future with each other. Being in a relationship with a provider doesn't mean free sex, it means dating like taking them out to dinner, going out to movies, and simply just enjoying time with each other regardless if sex is involve. Like regular dating, sex isn't guarantee while if you book a provider that would be. Now that being said, there are couple parts to getting into a relationship with a provider. First, are you okay with your partner being a provider? Second, are you okay with your partner continuing being a provider? and third, are you both looking to be monogamous and does doing sex work count as monogamy? Now, i did see quite a few post on the male saying they could but they want to be able to continue being a hobbyist which is fair point. When the ladies wishes to continue to be a provider, there is a fair trade off for the hobbyist to continue being a hobbyist and just trust each other to go home to at the end of the night and connect with each other mentally. Some may even argue that since as a provider they work all day and last thing they think about when they get home is more sex and if you are dating a hobbyist (likely to have a higher sex drive), they might find a shortage of that from you at the end of the night so continue being a hobbyist might be the key to a relationship. However, on the other side of the looking glass, providers are also human and they wish to be loved and exclusive and wishes to be respected as a woman not a provider so they also have an emotional need for their partner to have their focus on them and solely them. So, at the end of the day is how much you can compromise between the two. But, as i said before, a relationship shouldnt have sex as the main focus. its how well you can connect outside of that as well as within that and how you can see the future together. So, my answer is yes. i would not mind dating a provider as long as we can compromise. Provider will not be providers forever so if they are working as a provider as a means to an end (such as being a provider in order to finish school or get enough to start a business aka a future or a goal) rather than being a provider just to be a provider.
apologize the format is kinda shit and hope that i didnt word anything too badly.
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