Am I too nice???

[Anna Nikkole]

I treat people like they are people. I love deep conversations and feeling like I'm in the presence of a friend when I'm working. But do I ask for these guys to expect more?

Example: young guy, we have done 2 separate 6 hour sessions we hung out, fucked, ate, fucked some more. It was fine. But it was work and I received donation.

I get a text this morning to go to the beach tomorrow, he will pay for it all. Ok? How much for me? The beach is far, places are booked so if we get back early we can fuck. We will work it out. He actually says "I want to hang out with you and I'll pay for everything, you said we are friends". Ummmm yes, and business is how it started and will always be. I have never dated in the hobby, and honestly it's not for me and I'm not starting now.

I'm working tomorrow to supplement my income and I'm assuming I'll make 1k, so you pay expenses and give me that. I'm going to the beach Monday and taking the day off. He says "Babe, I'll take you Monday". Again, I have already planned this with friends. "Aren't we friends?". I'm just like grrrrr

Ladies, gents? Why do I feel badly. I separate my lives and my friends actually. Hobby people are so very cool, I have an amazing life, but I've never made a free arrangement.

How would you handle this?

[Snickerdoodle]

I agree with you. This a business. Keep it that way.

[chloevankatie]

I treat people like they are people. I love deep conversations and feeling like I'm in the presence of a friend when I'm working. But do I ask for these guys to expect more?

Example: young guy, we have done 2 separate 6 hour sessions we hung out, fucked, ate, fucked some more. It was fine. But it was work and I received donation.

I get a text this morning to go to the beach tomorrow, he will pay for it all. Ok? How much for me? The beach is far, places are booked so if we get back early we can fuck. We will work it out. He actually says "I want to hang out with you and I'll pay for everything, you said we are friends". Ummmm yes, and business is how it started and will always be. I have never dated in the hobby, and honestly it's not for me and I'm not starting now.

I'm working tomorrow to supplement my income and I'm assuming I'll make 1k, so you pay expenses and give me that. I'm going to the beach Monday and taking the day off. He says "Babe, I'll take you Monday". Again, I have already planned this with friends. "Aren't we friends?". I'm just like grrrrr

Ladies, gents? Why do I feel badly. I separate my lives and my friends actually. Hobby people are so very cool, I have an amazing life, but I've never made a free arrangement.

How would you handle this?

Girl, don't get me started. :(

There is sooo much I could say, but here's the cliff notes.

It is HIS fantasy to spend the day on the beach with you. He wants to blur the lines so he can live out his fantasies for free.

It's rude.

There are lots of non-hobby related fantasies I would love to live out as well, but I wouldn't expect the men here to indulge me as I intrude on their personal lives in order to take advantage of these men while I get my personal wishes fulfilled.

It's rude.

And consider that if you indulge him, you might possibly end up with a stalker on your hands, cause he thinks your relationship has evolved into more and that he has the right to guilt you into carrying out his wishes cause you're his "friend".

[Anna Nikkole]

Girl, don't get me started. :(

There is sooo much I could say, but here's the cliff notes.

It is HIS fantasy to spend the day on the beach with you. He wants to blur the lines so he can live out his fantasies for free.

It's rude.

There are lots of non-hobby related fantasies I would love to live out as well, but I wouldn't expect the men here to indulge me as I intrude on their personal lives in order to take advantage of these men while I get my personal wishes fulfilled.

It's rude.

And consider that if you indulge him, you might possibly end up with a stalker on your hands, cause he thinks your relationship has evolved into more and that he has the right to guilt you into carrying out his wishes cause you're his "friend".

This is so true. "Rude" is the right word.

Those lines have been smeared in the past. I once went to Florida on a outcall and for 2 days we ate steak and had fun. Well the 4k turned into 2k at the end when he went to the bank, made a withdrawal and said "I paid for nice dinners, lingerie and treated you nice". I didn't say anything, and that was years ago.

[Anna Nikkole]

I had a nice 1 hour appointment with a 70 year old widow. We talked about his late wife and true love and personal things about me. It ran over, he was so sweet.

A few days later he asked me to go on a 7 day cruise with him? And I thought, hell yes a cruise. So I generally make this much, how is this much? He said "I'm paying for the cruise and the food and drinks". So you want me to lose a week of work for free? To lay down 7 nights with a man 2x my age? If I met you as a business deal, that is work. If I'm losing money it will be on my own time and most likely nobody will be in my bed. It will be my own comfort and my own schedule. He then told me if he wanted sex he would give me $150 each time. Needless to say, sweet guy probably won't see me again. But being kind is a part of my personality.

So ladies, you get offered dinner and drinks, do you partake? I try to not blur those lines. And I love deep meaningful conversation along with general conversation. I'm a talker. But dang, don't take advantage of my kindness.

[DEAR _JOHN]

It's this simple, just speak the truth. You tell them you don't date customers, then you may need to tell them what you mean by date.

It's also this simple, the fantasy starts when you enter the room, but it ends when you walk out of the room.

It's a slippery slope you live in, you need to find that niche' between being a cold hearted bitch and a ****** with a heart of gold.

Protect your business and tell them what you think to protect both yourself and your business. Sometimes you may need to be brutally honest and it would hurt, but it's needed.

[chloevankatie]

I had a nice 1 hour appointment with a 70 year old widow. We talked about his late wife and true love and personal things about me. It ran over, he was so sweet.

A few days later he asked me to go on a 7 day cruise with him? And I thought, hell yes a cruise. So I generally make this much, how is this much? He said "I'm paying for the cruise and the food and drinks". So you want me to lose a week of work for free? To lay down 7 nights with a man 2x my age? If I met you as a business deal, that is work. If I'm losing money it will be on my own time and most likely nobody will be in my bed. It will be my own comfort and my own schedule. He then told me if he wanted sex he would give me $150 each time. Needless to say, sweet guy probably won't see me again. But being kind is a part of my personality.

So ladies, you get offered dinner and drinks, do you partake? I try to not blur those lines. And I love deep meaningful conversation along with general conversation. I'm a talker. But dang, don't take advantage of my kindness.

Yea cause what he doesn't understand is he is paying for the cruise and the food and the drinks for HIS FANTASY.

And he is expecting you to take part in his fantasy for free.

If it was MY FANTASY, then we would be doing what I say, when I say and how I say it and I wouldn't mind contributing my time for free because I would be getting what I want out of it.

And I doubt my fantasy would involve being trapped on a boat with someone who is telling me what to do, when to do it, cause he is paying for it and all the while expecting to hit my pussy any time he feels like it. Sounds like a shit deal.

And not only that, I can afford my own cruise with my own money on my own time and not have to go with some man who is gonna be telling me what to do. Ugh.

[Astros1965]

+1 DJ

Anna, you know what you have to do - draw that line between business and friendship. I’ve been visiting with a provider, and we are friends, but I know where the line is drawn. If activities are involved, I’m paying her rate - simple as that. We can be friends on the side, chat via text now and then, but I don’t ever expect to get laid for free.

A65

[chloevankatie]

I had a nice 1 hour appointment with a 70 year old widow. We talked about his late wife and true love and personal things about me. It ran over, he was so sweet.

A few days later he asked me to go on a 7 day cruise with him? And I thought, hell yes a cruise. So I generally make this much, how is this much? He said "I'm paying for the cruise and the food and drinks". So you want me to lose a week of work for free? To lay down 7 nights with a man 2x my age? If I met you as a business deal, that is work. If I'm losing money it will be on my own time and most likely nobody will be in my bed. It will be my own comfort and my own schedule. He then told me if he wanted sex he would give me $150 each time. Needless to say, sweet guy probably won't see me again. But being kind is a part of my personality.

So ladies, you get offered dinner and drinks, do you partake? I try to not blur those lines. And I love deep meaningful conversation along with general conversation. I'm a talker. But dang, don't take advantage of my kindness.

And anyway, to answer the question here that you posed to the ladies, yes I have gone every now and then to dinner when I have been offered. It usually depends on whether I have availability in my schedule. If I don't have anything else going on, why not? I don't really see sharing a meal as an infringement on my personal life in the same way as spending a day at the beach or 7 days on a cruise would be. I mean, people in the real world often do business lunches.

But its usually after I have met someone who seems cool and think I wouldn't mind grabbing a bite with them. I wouldn't go to dinner for free with someone I never met before.

[Anna Nikkole]

+1 DJ

Anna, you know what you have to do - draw that line between business and friendship. I’ve been visiting with a provider, and we are friends, but I know where the line is drawn. If activities are involved, I’m paying her rate - simple as that. We can be friends on the side, chat via text now and then, but I don’t ever expect to get laid for free.

A65

He said he just wanted to hang out at the beach for the day, and this would be not getting laid. I would be missing out on my days earnings.

Just like the older gent, he would give me 150 for each time. In a week maybe 2-3x as he is 70. But I get what you are saying. I get those "checking up" text often and I love that. I think it's sweet and let's me know the person cares if I had a nice holiday or vacation. It's a message or 2 back and forth of consideration. It's very kind.

I like what CVK said, if my time if spent on your fantasy then it doesn't matter if we have sex or not. My time is money. It's your fantasy. Mine would be to be on a cruise or at the beach with friends and my legs stay closed. Fruity drink in my hand, and enjoying the rays without feeling like "I'm at work, I need to make him happy".

[Guest 081220-1]

Tread carefully though not to trample on his fantasy and just explain that this is how you feed yourself and your family and he should understand that if he takes you away from your work, you need some form of compensation for what you lost.

It happens both ways so I see a lot of providers bashing men for this. A lady recently asked me for a date night. I could not determine if i was paying or she was and so I made it a bit clear. That didnt help coz now we cant even text each other. Another one recently also invited me to a travel she was going to...i had to decline and then schedule with her so she knows the only way i will see her is via an appointment. Not that i dont want to hangout but i prefer no ambiguity to avoid a claim on me saying I need to pay for her time.

[Anna Nikkole]

Tread carefully though not to trample on his fantasy and just explain that this is how you feed yourself and your family and he should understand that if he takes you away from your work, you need some form of compensation for what you lost.

It happens both ways so I see a lot of providers bashing men for this. A lady recently asked me for a date night. I could not determine if i was paying or she was and so I made it a bit clear. That didnt help coz now we cant even text each other. Another one recently also invited me to a travel she was going to...i had to decline and then schedule with her so she knows the only way i will see her is via an appointment. Not that i dont want to hangout but i prefer no ambiguity to avoid a claim on me saying I need to pay for her time.

Very true. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. It may have been a fun day, but it was his planned day of fun.

[Bobby_mac]

Anna, you sound like a wonderful and kind person, but you definitely need to keep business and your personal life separate. It sounds like this person has mistaken your kindness for infatuation, he is your friend of course in the hobby world, outside of it he is just another gentleman. Now for the dinner date that's your choice, but again us as gentlemen we are paying for your time and companionship whether the person chooses to lay in bed with you or have dinner he needs to pay for your time, at the end it's just business for both parties. It's nice to make great new friends, again still need to keeps those lifes separate

[RunTheCourse]

Why do I feel badly?.....Because you treat people like they are people which is one of your greatest strengths.

How would you handle this?...... Don't just get the bag, snatch it, each and every time! In the words of the incomparable JZ you are a "Business...(Wo)Man."
Monday would be a no go for me if I already had plans because it would send him the wrong message especially if he's a class 5 "clinger"

[Guest 072920-1]

I treat people like they are people. I love deep conversations and feeling like I'm in the presence of a friend when I'm working. But do I ask for these guys to expect more?

Example: young guy, we have done 2 separate 6 hour sessions we hung out, fucked, ate, fucked some more. It was fine. But it was work and I received donation.

I get a text this morning to go to the beach tomorrow, he will pay for it all. Ok? How much for me? The beach is far, places are booked so if we get back early we can fuck. We will work it out. He actually says "I want to hang out with you and I'll pay for everything, you said we are friends". Ummmm yes, and business is how it started and will always be. I have never dated in the hobby, and honestly it's not for me and I'm not starting now.

I'm working tomorrow to supplement my income and I'm assuming I'll make 1k, so you pay expenses and give me that. I'm going to the beach Monday and taking the day off. He says "Babe, I'll take you Monday". Again, I have already planned this with friends. "Aren't we friends?". I'm just like grrrrr

Ladies, gents? Why do I feel badly. I separate my lives and my friends actually. Hobby people are so very cool, I have an amazing life, but I've never made a free arrangement.

How would you handle this?

I enjoyed a splendid time with you recently. Your broke my OH2 cherry in the sweetest way. You helped me indulge my fantasy, but we both knew it was a fantasy, and we both knew that the other knew it was a fantasy. We joked about some things that we both know are 'fantastic', and not founded in the RW. I know you will never call on me. But joking around was flirtatious and gratifying. BUT WE BOTH KEEP OUR FEET AND MINDS GROUNDED IN THE REAL WORLD.

Trust your gut. Honor your own values and boundaries for the sake of security and business. Stay safe, and professional. You are already one of the most personable people of either gender I have ever known, RW or hobby wise. If someone steps across the line, you can tell him, "Please, let us not go there" or some such to raise a red flag. If he insists, excuse yourself from his company and block all calls. Do not let anyone impose on your friendly manner to think they can manipulate you into complying with their unrealistic expectations.

Regards expectations, always be S.M.A.R.T.
S.pecific THE WHAT DO YOU WANT
M.easureable HOW MUCH DO YOU WANT, AND WHAT BENEFIT TO ME
A.ttainable IS IT WITHIN REACH, or beyond what can be done
R.ealistic DOES THE S.M.A. FIT IN YOUR LIFESTYLE AND BUSINESS PLAN
T.angible WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE, WILL BOTH PARTIES HAVE A WIN-WIN, OR SOME MISUNDERSTANDING

If it is not S.M.A.R.T., misunderstanding will ensue, conflict will arise, ... YOU are not a conflicted person, except for perhaps trying to be liked too much.
Do not let ANYONE try to manipulate you or make you feel obligated to comply with a request.

Be S.M.A.R.T. or Be Gone from that person.

That said, you far exceeded my hopes and expectations. I wish you did not have a NO REVIEW policy so I could brag on you.

Best regards,

Randy