who of the old guard is in here ??

[JeepHoss]

ASPD old guard here. Always been JeepHoss or JpHs. Taylor of Houston, a Puerto Rican mix cutie, was my first in Houston. Got to go to several meet and greets that were hosted by Batteries Not Included. Good times. Great ladies.

~J~

[DEAR _JOHN]

Did anybody here ever get a caveman letter from mikki fine?

[notanewbie]

I did get that letter lol and we should be careful mentioning names of the Goatfucker.

[DEAR _JOHN]

I did get that letter lol and we should be careful mentioning names of the Goatfucker.

I deeply apologize if I crossed any lines. I thought his name was a fake one like I'm 'John', which is not my real first name.

[DEAR _JOHN]

Caveman letter for those who don't know.

************************************************** ******

Congratulations and Welcome to SBC aka Stupidity By Caveman!

Dear Caveman,

I do not think I like you. I think the closest I came to liking you was when I was a child and watched the cartoon "Captain Caveman".

Caveman asking for a special when the lady is not running one is a turn off. Sending your emails in all Caps is a turn off. Bragging about how good looking you are and sending a photo of your dick is also unimpressive.

Caveman: "Does your family and neighbors know what you do for a living"? Me: "That is none of your business." *click*

Caveman: "I see you have a photo with a horse. Are you trying to imply something, hehe". "I want to watch you fuck the horse, how much to watch"? Lady: " Sorry I do not do business with Jackass". *click*

Caveman: "I can't understand why you will not accept my references". Lady: "Because that is my option".

Caveman: "You are not even worth it". Lady: "Wow I was when you first contacted me. So why are you still emailing me insults"?

Caveman "I am a senior member on The Caveman Board ". Lady: "And..? Am I suppose to be scared"?

Caveman it is pitiful when you get rejected, you post on The Caveman board. Caveman: "Today I got rejected by a Well Known Provider....". Caveman anyone who has been around knows what you are up to. You do not dare mention a name for fear that the true Gentlemen will tear you up. But at the same time you want to alert your fellow Cavemen so they can pm you. You and your pack of Caveman can then try to blackball the Well Known Provider.

Hey The Well Known Provider did not take your money but you are going to make sure she hurts financially. You got your little Caveman feelings hurt.

Caveman you were disappointed because the provider did not have wine at her incall for refreshments. Caveman: "Well I read on her review that there was wine". Lady: "There was wine because The GENTLEMAN brought it and we both drank some".

Caveman only you would feel obligated to inspect a ladies Incall rather than enjoy the lady. Caveman: "What is this crack (smaller than a dime) in the sink"? Lady: "Wow I have been here a year and never noticed. Do you think it will affect your session with me"?

Caveman there is a good reason why the good Lord gave us the Vagina and you the Balls. Caveman you just would not make it if you had a vagina. My God you do not even have the decency to drag yourself to the restroom. Every twig, tree and bush is your private outhouse. More class in a pitbull.

Caveman do you even know what class is? The only time you say a lady has class is when she allows you to use her like a urinal and underpay her. Or perhaps lets you barter with her for something like photography.

Caveman: "You need to get new photos or your photos need to be LARGER". Lady: "Go buy yourself a girlie magazine and a jar of vaseline. Don't forget to flip a coin so you can figure out which hand to fall in love with".

It is not cool to blow up a lady's phone either. Stop to the listen to her voice message and follow the directions. No do not use it as an opportunity to masturbate.

If you keep dialing her number until she picks up then do not expect a nice voice to answer.

Caveman I understand that when you find a pretty lady's phone number you start to chant,"ooga ooga" and scratch yourself in various areas. Pretty lady's phone number reminds you of the first time you discovered fire.

What is the problem caveman? Have you never had a beating from a woman other than your mother? Are you desiring to get a (good knock in the jaw)one way ticket back to the stone age? Yes, I have heard that fur is the fashion these days.



Caveman: "How about I take you out to lunch off the clock? Lady: "My Outcall packages are on my website. Sorry I still expect to get paid for my time even if you do pay for lunch."

Caveman if you do not want to pay for a lady's time then go eat by yourself. You are not doing a lady any favors by taking her out to eat. That is for your entertainment not hers. If you want to do her a favor then pay her donation rate.



What is that Caveman? Do I need to lighten up? Well why don't you try your wares on the local Bubba at the bar. As he pulverizes you to the floor you can always cry, " I thought you had a sense of humor"!

Bubba loves his mamma and he loves women too.

Caveman it is not cool to be an old woman gossip. Before you let your lips flap in the wind ask yourself an important question. "Will it contribute to the problem or a solution?" If it is not going to help the person then keep your big mouth shut.

Caveman if you do not have a couple of hundred to spend then stay away from the Esorts. The ladies are trying to make some money not to be a free piece of ass. Take your broke reject self to the dating service or back to the cave.

Ahhh Caveman the cave must bring back sweet memories. You just had to leave in nothing more than a club and a loin cloth, club a lady and drag her back to the cave.

Caveman: "Do you expect some money or do you just want to hang out for fun." Lady: "We expect to get paid for our time and have fun."

Caveman: "Please tell me what your rates are"? Lady: "If you had bothered to read you would have found that information on my website and on my signature line".

Caveman do you actually expect the lady to answer to email requests of FS, GFE, DFK, Oral, Greek, body to body massage, Facials, unwrapped blowpops, face sitting, do you entertain couples, etc.? pssss come closer. LE KNOWS THOSE ACRONYMS YOU IMBECILE! It is rude to talk that way to someone you do not know. It is trashy.

Caveman: "Do you have a lot of regulars"? 1. That is as bad as asking me how many men I have slept with. 2. That is none of your business. Caveman sounds like you need to quit sharing your insecurity.

Caveman: "I just want to know how fresh the fish is". Lady: "Then go to a Fish Market you moron"!

Caveman: "You need a bigger Incall, more furniture, more decor,...." Unless you are going to buy it for me then keep your comments/insults to yourself. Am I rude? Hey, you started it. You are one rude crude dude.

Caveman it is tacky to use a reference that you have not seen in a year. It is tacky to claim to new prospective lady that it "has been about a year" when it is really been 2 years or more. Services are rendered, the lady does not owe you a reference. Why do you want to burn a good thing? References are a courtesy. Courtesy is a two way street.

Caveman do not bully a lady into giving you a good reference. You might find yourself in some hot water.

Caveman: "I am not LE are you"? Lady: "Kiss your wife and kids goodbye because you are going to jail".

Caveman you have a false sense of security thanks to the Internet. If you do not like the way a lady runs her business then you should move on and not stop to insult her. Do you really think yourself safe because you are hiding behind a computer?

Worse thing than being broke is when other fine ladies are not interested in doing business with you.

Caveman do you really believe that you are being discreet?

Caveman if you do not like a lady's rates then move on and quit wasting her time. Do not insult her with a cheaper rate offer.

Caveman the ladies screen for safety and discretion. Do not insult her intelligence by telling her she asks for too much information. Or tell her that you are a nice guy and she won't be disappointed.

Caveman: "I do not feel comfortable with your screening requirements are there other options"? Lady: "I am not going to privilege that question with an answer". Nothing on website or advertisements states that negotiations are welcome.

Caveman when I ask for providers with her own personal websites that is exactly what I mean. Do not throw me some names and phone numbers. Personal website does not mean a link to a yahoo bucket, eros, Erotic North America, backpage, craigslist, etc.

If you think being stupid and doing things halfway will get you an appointment then you need to give up the pipe.

Caveman: "What do you mean"? Lady: "It means next to name I expect a name, middle name: I expect a middle name, and last name: I expect a last name. Next to date of birth, I expect a month, a day and a year. I expect to see providers with their own websites. If you do not have provider references then I expect employment information and yes that means a work number too"!

Caveman: "Here are some spa owners/spas/agencies,etc. I have been to". Lady: "No caveman, they need to independent ladies with their own personal website".

There is no purpose of having a work name if I cannot verify it.

Caveman: "Why don't you tour"? Lady: "None of your business". The expense to tour is coming out of my pocket so I do not owe you an explanation.

Caveman if the lady has 10 questions on her screening then do not accuse her of asking a 100 or that it is none of her business. Learn how to count and move on. You may use mammoth bones or perhaps that of the saber tooth tiger.

Caveman: "I want to see you but you make it hard". Lady: "That is your fault not mine".

Caveman do not ask a lady to bareback everything. If you want suicide then do it alone. No need to take others with you. Have some spine!

Go pick up someone at the bar if you think you are so smooth. Hopefully nobody you know sees you because they will probably tell your wife. What will you lose then? What is the cost of stupidity these days?

Caveman perhaps you would like to keep searching for that bargain. Don't come crying to me when you meet up with a pimp that robs and beats you within an inch of your life.

Caveman-Or better the strung out emaciated crackhead who hops in your car, grabs your wallet and runs. You just wanted to spend $20 but ended up losing $200 and your wallet.

Oh and my favorite by Caveman.

Caveman: "I have seen less questions in a job application."

Me: "That is not true because a job application would ask for your educational background and that does not apply to you."

Caveman sending me an INCOMPLETE questionnaire will not get you an appointment. You are just wasting my time.

Caveman you probably do not even have a job either. Get a grip and quit wasting the lady's time with your nonsense.

Caveman do not send a lady an insulting email after you read her preferences. You are just projecting what you feel about yourself. That is why the lady states her preferences. So she does not have to deal with people like you.

Caveman do not patronize me during the screening process. Patronizing? Sending me emails like "Are you done yet"? Calling me and leaving me voicemails of the same nature. The screening process can take as long as 24 hours. Sometimes longer on weekends. Not only will you not get an appointment but you will be added to my Do Not See List.

Caveman you do not need to check on me. I am screening on my time not yours.

Caveman: "Will you be going to The Caveman Social, so I can look you over and feel you out for free then decide if I want to buy"? Lady: "I have plenty of reviews and photos floating around on the internet. If that is not enough for you then do not waste my time".

Caveman: "You charge too much". Lady: "When the government issues you food stamps it is sustain your worthless life, not to hobby".

Caveman the ladies do not go to your job(if you have one) and waste your time. Harm your ability to make income.
Caveman writing a false and hateful review because a lady refused you service? She did not take a dime from you. Get over it!

If you know nothing about the lady, do not announce(on initial contact) "I don't want bait and switch" If the lady is bait and switch do you think she is going to admit it to you?

Caveman: "Please do not respond to my email if this is SPAM". Lady: "Yes this is SPAM, why are you bothering me again"?

Caveman--If she a well respected lady do you she is going to have a lot more interest in you for making that stupid comment? Bait and Switch! That is your fault not mine. Don't punish me for your mistakes. If you had done some your homework you would not have had any problems. Caveman:: "I just heard...." Me: *click*

[notanewbie]

^^^SAME! I laughed so hard I cried.

[wanna_be_rode]

Why do I think that was alive back in the day ...... seems to have gotten longer lol

[QUOTE=DEAR _JOHN;784483]Caveman letter for those who don't know.

************************************************** ******

Congratulations and Welcome to SBC aka Stupidity By Caveman!

Dear Caveman,

I do not think I like you. I think the closest I came to liking you was when I was a child and watched the cartoon "Captain Caveman".

Caveman asking for a special when the lady is not running one is a turn off. Sending your emails in all Caps is a turn off. Bragging about how good looking you are and sending a photo of your dick is also unimpressive.

[Boo69]

17 years for me..on aspd. Eccie..etc :)

[R1966]

ASPD old-timer as well...believe since the day it started. Handle was R66. Mention of Escape and Wildflowers, as well as the socials and private parties, brings back great memories. Hanging out with several ASPD'ers at Escape I with Natasha and her girls. Pool party at Muffdiver's place a bit west of Highway 6 near Westheimer. Road trips to Nuevo Laredo with several of the guys (DJ, Player, a couple of others). Introducing several to Help and the termas in Rio....

Not ASPD related, but anyone here remember the Salad Sisters? Annie and Lisa (plus Annie had a few girls working for her). The things they could do with M&M's, hard boiled eggs, and veggies. Big shoe, little shoe. Damn, I wish I could find the videos I have of those parties.

[tbone2u]

I got the same letter John. It was funny then and still is.