What can a bird do that a man can't?
Whistle through his pecker.
What's better than roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ.
Printable View
What can a bird do that a man can't?
Whistle through his pecker.
What's better than roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ.
Lol 😂
What’s the difference between a nun and a woman in the tub?
The nun has a soul full of hope.
with jokes of my own once I have a moment to pause
Q: What’s the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?
A: I’ve never had a lentil on my face.
Q: what's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
A: the taste
Q: Why did God create man?
A: Because you can't teach a vibrator to mow the lawn.
Q: what is the difference between a quickie and a yankee?
A: both same thing only one is solo.
What do you call the useless flap of skin attached to a man's penis?
The Man
Q: What's the 4th biggest lie after, "I'll respect you in the morning." ?
A: It's only a cold sore
Q: What's the difference between a pervert and a kinky person?
A: A pervert uses a feather, the kinky person uses the whole chicken
Q: Why do farts smell?
A: So deaf people can appreciate them too
What do you call a ******’s fart?
Prostitoot.
^^:lol:
Q: What do the female Reindeer do when the mail Reindeer are out helping Santa Clause?
A: They go into town to blow a few Bucks
Q: What's the difference between Mono and Herpes?
A: You get Mono if you snatch a kiss, you get Herpes if....
THE BIRTH OF A CANDY BAR
One PAYDAY, MR. PEANUT wanted a BIT O'HONEY, so he took MARY JANE behind the POWERHOUSE on the corner of CLARK and FIFTH AVE. He began to feel her MOUNDS. It was pure ALMOND JOY. It made her TOOTSIE ROLL. He let out a SNICKERS as his BUTTERFINGER went up her JUICYFRUIT and caused a MILKYWAY. She screamed out OH HENRY as she squeezed his PETER PAUL and ZAGNUTS. MARY JANE said: "you are even better than the THREE MUSKETEERS."
Soon she was a bit CHUNKY and nine months later
had a BABY RUTH.
Well, I'll never look at candy the same way again.
https://www.facebook.com/10002684830...6465122591761/
Check this one out! He went flying!
Q: Why don't vegetarians moan during sex?
A: Because they don't want to admit that a piece of meat makes them happy.
A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and says, "Excuse me, but do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit says, "No." So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.
Q: What do a male prostitute and the Pink Panther have in common?
A: They're both Peter Sellers
Q: What can a jelly bean do that a man can't?
A: Come in different colors.
Q: What's the difference between dark and hard?
A: It stays dark all night.
Q: What's the definition of nothing?
A: When a man with an erection walks into a brick wall and injures his nose.
Two things a woman shouldn't do in a bedroom:
Point and laugh
SO YOU DON'T KNOW JACK SCHITT
He's the only son of Awe and Oh Schitt. Awe the fertilizer magnet, married Oh the owner of the Knee Deep Inn. Jack married Noe, who used to be married to Ted Sherlock. She kept the last name Sherlock. So she's named Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Jack and Noe had 6 children, Holy being their first died shortly after birth. Next came twin sons, Deep and Dip. Deep married his cousin Lotta, their parents were against it. Then Noe gave birth to 2 daughters, Fulla and Giva. Finally Noe had their last son Bull. Then Lotta gave birth to a son and they named him Chicken. Fulla and Giva married the Happens brothers. The Schitt-Happens kids are; Dawg, Byrd and Horace. Bull married an Italian woman named Pisa and they're awaiting the arrival of a Baby Schitt.
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally elbows the breast of a woman beside him. They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if your prick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."
Happy hump day!
I know it’s not hump day, but if I don’t tell this now I will forget it. Besides, every day should be hump day!
A Greek and an Irishman were sitting in a coffee shop one day comparing their two cultures.
The Greek mentions, “We built the Pantheon, you may recall, along with the Temple of Apollo.”
“Well, it was the Irish that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices.”
“But it was the Greeks who gave birth to advanced mathematics.”
“Granted, but it was the Irish who built the first timepieces.”
Knowing that he’s about to deliver the coup de grace, the son of Athens points out with a note of finality: “Keep in mind that it was the ancient Greeks who invented the notion of sex as a pleasurable activity!”
“Ah, true enough, but it was the Irish who got women involved.”
Q: What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?
A: A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.
Q: What's the difference between light and hard?
A: A man can sleep with a light on.
Q: what did the cannibal do after dumping his wife?
A: whip his ass
I'm back from the hard part of dealing with the lost. Now to lighten it up a little.
Q: What's green and gay and flies?
A: Peter Panzy
A queer guy walks into a country bar and says in a feminine voice to the bartender, "I'd like a sp****er please." The bartender says in a harsh country voice, "We don't serve you at the bar, you have to go sit down." Just then a sweaty ranch hand walks in and says, "I'm so thirsty i could lick the sweat off a cows balls!" Then the queer says from across the bar, "Moooooo"
Happy Hump Day!
Attachment 407291
[QUOTE=Mitch P;583745]Q: what did the cannibal do after dumping his wife?
A: whip his ass[/QUOT
Q: Why do rodeo cowboys make such lousy lovers?
A: Because they think 8 seconds is a good ride.
Q: What did the Elephant say to the naked man?
A: How do you breathe through that little thing?
Q: What do you get when you mix a pitbull whit a collie?
A: A dog that will chew your arm off and then run for help.
A businessman was sentenced to prison for a white-collar crime and was scared shitless from all the stories he had heard about prison life. The day of his incarceration finally came and he was led to his cell.
His cellmate was a huge, mouth-breathing near-Neanderthal with one massive eyebrow and knuckles that dragged on the floor. He looked at his new cellie and said, “You want to be the husband or the wife?”
The businessman was terrified but thought that he might try for what he thought would be the lesser of the evils. “I’ll be the husband,” he replied.
”OK,” the ogre replied. “Get over here and suck your wife’s dick.”
Q: What do they call kids born in *****houses?
A: Brothel sprouts
--A guy walks into a bar and says to the woman bartender, "Hey babe, Anheuser Busch?"
And she replies, "Fine, and how's your dick?"
No offense to my blonde ladies, i love you all lotsa licks and kisses!
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A: Put a Scratch and sniff sticker in the bottom of the pool
Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and the Titanic?
A: We know how many men went down on the Titanic.
Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex position. One says, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best." "I don't think I have ever heard of that one," says the other cowboy. "What is it?" "Well, it's where you get your girl down on all fours, and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around, cup her tits, and whisper in her ear, 'boy these feel almost as nice as your sisters.' Then you try and hold on for 8 seconds."